He's my turian
by GarrusGirl
Summary: A Fem Shepard and Garrus romance. Based on Mass Effect 2 and 3. Some dialouge and scenes have been changed/added, and these are my take of events which happened in those two video-games. I will try to post a new chapter every seven to fourteen days. Please enjoy and review freely but remember to be polite. Rated M for smut, swearing, and suggestive themes hehe. Thanks xoxo
1. Change

The low hum of the ship seemed to comfort Garrus in an odd way. After spending so much time on the Normandy he had gotten used to all the little sounds and scents around him. _Hell_, this place had become his home, and all the crew members he worked with everyday had become his friends. Life without them seemed incomplete, especially without Shepard, for she was the person that had changed his life so dramatically in the first place.

Thinking of her brought a little smile to his face. There was something about her he just couldn't explain. Over the months of working together everyday he had grown to find himself thinking about her, being reminded of her in the oddest ways, and Shepard had become one of the most important friend in his life. The energy she brought with every conversation they had made them instantly grow closer to each other. When Garrus was around her he could just be himself. Shepard didn't look at him any different then she did anyone else just because he was a turian.

Garrus had started to hum to himself an old lullaby as he walked to the elevator from once again doing maintenance on the Mako. Suddenly the ground under his feet began to shake, he felt his knees buckle as he tried to regain his balance, someone screamed.

The emergency alarm went off as the ground shook with increasing force. Crew members started to panic and dashed toward the elevator. It took a second Garrus a second as he realized they were under attack.

"Everyone move the elevator!" He screamed helping someone would had fallen to the ground and shoved them toward the only exit.

He then sprinted toward the elevator trying to make sure everyone was okay and getting to safety, when a giant yellow laser beam cut through the middle of the room like it was butter. Garrus felt a little gasp escape as the heat and force of the beam hit him like a great wind, it left him breathless as the hiss of oxygen filled the room. It was escaping back into space, soon no one would be able to breathe.

There wasn't anytime left to wait around and he joined the crew in the elevator, feeling his heart pound in the side of his neck as the elevator slowly crept up to the first floor, he could feel the fear radiating off everyone, and then the doors opened. It was nothing more than complete chaos, people crying and screaming, electrical fires everywhere, everyone making a mad dash for the escape pods. _Where was Shepard?_

Garrus hesitated but reasoned that she was most likely helping people into the pods not looking like she was scared or worried and making sure every last person was safe before she would leave. Garrus ran towards that pods, but when he got there Shepard was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Shepard?" He screamed at Kaiden as he ran past him. The ground shook again as another laser beam ran through the ship. Explosions went off behind them.

"I don't _know_!" Kaiden screamed back looking around with mad eyes looking for Shepard as well. Liara came running up to them with nothing but pure fear in her blue eyes.

"We have to go! Shepard's going to get Joker out of the cockpit!" Liara explained so fast her words blurred together.

"No Shep-" Garrus began but Liara grabbed his arm and tried to force him into an empty escape pod. He was stronger than her and was barely moved more than an inch.

"She isn't going to leave Joker on the ship! She is going to get Joker and jump into an escape pod! SHE PROMISED SHE WOULD COME! WE HAVE TO_ GO!" _Liara frantically screamed. Kaiden hesitated but grabbed Garrus's arm as well and tried to pulled him into the empty escape pod.

"If that's what she said, we have to trust Shepard," Kaiden said with pain in his voice. Heartache chewed at Garrus's stomach as every instinct told him to go to the cockpit. He had saved Shepard so many times it had become a habit, leaving her felt wrong to the core of his steel bones, but with every second that passed less existed that they would survive this attack. Still he needed to protect her he _needed_ too...

Kaiden rammed into him with such force Garrus stumbled into the pod. The doors closed behind him so fast Garrus didn't have time to think. There was no options left, they had to leave.


	2. Fear and Anger

The Normandy had become a _real_ home for Garrus, something that he thought would always be there, no matter what happened throughout his adventures with Shepard. After a long day of traveling all over the galaxy he could always return to the Normandy and just be himself with Shepard. It had become more than just a ship to him and everyone who worked upon it, it was a sanctuary, a place for comfort, shelter, and friendship. Along the way he, Shepard, and the Normandy had both got there share of scars, but now that the business with Saren was over with, returning to trying to stop the Reapers and fighting the geth had been the next step in the plan. Now with every passing second he realized that was probably never going to happen. He's dreams were getting crushed right in front of his eyes. Imagining himself right by Shepard side going head to head against Reapers and husks until his very last heart beat wasn't possible anymore.

Over and over the ship exploded, all that was left of the once great Normandy was now tiny pieces and metal debris, and Garrus painfully watched it all unfold right in front of him not being able to take his pale eyes off the ship, and not being able to stop any of it from happening. He felt powerless. Never had he thought that the Normandy would go down like this, it _would_ have gone down in a gigantic last battle, in one last blaze of glory. Going out this way, without any fight, the imagine would be permanently burnt into his brain until the day he died. Even when age cut through his skin like a knife Garrus knew he would _never_ forget this. He made his hands into fists trying to control his undesirable emotions from coming out. He forced his talons to dig hard into his palms, not caring that his skin tore and that blood was starting to spill out of them, because feeling that sharp pain was helping it become easier for him to deal with all of this. Yet, the world still seemed to crash down upon his shoulders as he realized the Normandy was really gone. _What about Shepard? Is she gone as well? _His mind screamed.

Bittersweet memories ran uncontrollably through Garrus's mind, he tried to force them away, but they kept hitting him like a ton of bricks. Even though these memories felt like they had happened a million years ago they weren't tarnished by the hands of time and were crystal clear to recall. Garrus remembered the first time they had met, surprised by how familiar she felt to him, like she had always been waiting for him to met her. He remembered vaguely looking at her and thinking where_ have you been? _More memories came crashing into his skull now, he didn't try to fight them away any longer. It felt almost peaceful to remember now, just like watching a home movie. Shepard smiling so bright up at him it her whole face was lit up, her hand touching his, them sharing jokes and old stories about their past, taking care of Shepard when she had got critically injured, and how he had promised himself that he would always protect her. Something that he _wasn't_ doing now!

"She's okay, she's always fine," Kaiden whispered running his hands through his dark brown hair again and again. Garrus ripped his eyes away from looking out the escape pod's window and glared at the human. Over the past months he and Kaiden had all but been forced to work together. When he thought of Kaiden "friend" was not one of the terms that Garrus would use to describe him, but Garrus knew that the biotic had also been close to Shepard like he was and tolerated Garrus to stay on Shepard's good side. Soon though it became obvious to everyone that Kaiden had fallen head over heels for Shepard just like he had, even though Garrus would never admit that to anyone.

"Maybe if you had let me go back for Shepard we would know that she was _okay_!" Garrus nearly screamed feeling all the walls of control he had put up fading fast. He sprang out of his seat. "Why didn't you?!"

"I'll tell you why!" Kaiden puffed up his chest and stood up, taking a step closer to Garrus, his eyes like daggers, but Garrus wouldn't _dare_ let himself break eye contact with Kaiden. He looked down at Kaiden, feeling a little bit smug that even though he was nearly the same size as Kaiden, he was over a foot taller than him. "There was no chance that you would have made it to Shepard, and then later when we got rescued and met up with her, she would have never forgiven me for letting you run off and getting yourself killed!" Kaiden shoved a finger into Garrus's chest and with that, Garrus felt his control slip, the inner predator in himself was getting close to being released, there was a reason why people called turian fights blood baths.

The sky blue of Kaiden's biotic powers went up and wrapped around Kaiden's body like a second skin, Garrus let out a snarl, anger hit him so hard it made him dizzy. He took an advancing step not able to keep his thoughts in check. _Coward! Just because he has biotic's he thinks he's a better fighter than me? I bet he's never fought a turian before..._

_"_ENOUGH!" Liara screamed. Jumping between them. "Do you really think Shepard would want you two fighting at a time like this?" She looked at Kaiden who was still glowing a bright blue, then at Garrus, her blue eyes meeting his. Tears spilling down her dirt covered face. She put a hand on both their chests like she was afraid they would run over her to start throwing punches. Tears stung at Garrus's eyes as he looked down at Liara. He qucikly realized he was acting like a _child_, would Shepard be happy with him if she were still alive for hurting someone she cared about and making Liara cry when she's already been through so much? No, she would be disappointed in him, angry even, and that was something he never wanted to happen. Every moment of everyday he wanted Shepard to love and be proud of him. He swallowed once and let a sigh. Anger still pounded deep into his heart and exploded through his veins, but there was a time to fight, and this just wasn't the time.

"Liara's right... I'm sorry Kaiden," The words felt bitter and wrong coming out of his mouth but Garrus pushed away his pride. Even if Kaiden wouldn't be the better man, he could.

"Yeah, yeah... I know we shouldn't be fighting now," Kaiden paused as if he were trying to get his words right. The blue glow of his biotic's was beginning to fade. "Soon everything will be fine and back to normal, Shepard won't have an injury on her, you'll see."

_I hope your right._


	3. Anticipation

The three of them had drifted endlessly through the vast enormity of space before they had gotten rescued by the Alliance. Before that Garrus, Kaiden, and Liara had all just waited and stood around for a saviour to come and help them, every second that passed feeling like a life time, the little hope in all three of them diminishing rapidly because they couldn't do anything more but wait, trapped, floating around in nothingness. Garrus remembered looked around at his bleak surroundings not sure what to feel. Should he feel happy that he was alive? Or was that egotistical and he was a sick bastard for evening thinking about that? He had been lucky to get out of the crash with his life and the clothes on his back, but what about everyone else, what about everyone else, were they suffering? Were they breathing through punctuated lungs and broken ribs when he was nearly unharmed?

His dark unspoken thoughts had kept getting interrupted by the hiccupped breathing and little sobs from Liara, the sound of Kaiden nervously_ tap-tap_ tapping on the metal seat he was sitting on, and just as Garrus was about to say something off-putting about the situation a small Alliance ship came into view from the tiny escape pod's window, and the room went into complete silence. Blind hope hit Garrus hard as he felt his heart beat picked up its speed as anticipation of being rescued set in, his wide eyes stared in awe and amazement, and he finally realized _just_ how good it felt to get out of danger and be safe, and Garrus realized too that Shepard was going to soon be safe as well. No matter what problem faced her, and even if the odds were against her, she_ always_ came up on top with nothing more than a few cuts and bullet wounds.

"Are you injured?" The petite blonde doctor quickly asked as her high-pitched voice snapped at him. The orange glow from her Omni-tool was lighting up her irritated face as she spoke and was making it look like it was a natural shade of pale orange. She continued to scan Garrus trying to see if he was hurt in any way. Before this busy and impatience doctor had come out of her overflowing Med-bay to check on him, Garrus had already forced Kaiden and Liara to leave the escape pod and board the Alliance ship to receive medical attention before he would even step one foot on the ship. Only having minor wounds Garrus had refused any attention on himself, making sure that other people he cared about and worked with got bandaged and treated for their injuries first. Not knowing where anything on this ship was or where to go he had found a little secluded spot away from all the ongoing traffic of the busy doctors and people trying to help his ship mates, and just stood all by himself, waiting close to the airlock until Shepard's pod had docked and he knew she was safe. Feeling alone and defeated, not knowing what to do, Garrus somehow missed Liara's and Kaiden's presence, then the doctor had come up to him without any warning and started talking to him without any of his approval.

"No, I'm fine," Garrus replied raising his hands, not recognizing the sound of his own dead voice. Impatience and frustration was swimming in his chest as he tried to dart around the little doctor not wanting to get patched up, not exactly sure where he was going to go just away from here, but to his surprise she was faster than him, and blocked his way. Baffled he took a step back, feeling his body press hard against the metal wall, it was very unusual for a human to get the upper hand and be faster than a turian.

"Yes, actually you are," the doctor said scolding him like he was a child. "Give me your hands."

Garrus felt his mandibles click as he did what she ordered him to do and offered out his two hands to the doctor who quickly snatched them and applied a heap of slimy medi-gel to his wounds, a dull throb on the broken skin of his hands that he hadn't noticed til now stop instantly as numbness set in on any pain he felt. The doctor looked him over once again, but deciding that she wasn't going to any bandages on him she left him so he could be alone once again, and Garrus couldn't say he was sad that she was gone.

Crossed his arms, Garrus and stared directly at the airlock doors not letting anything or anyone distract him or take up his time, he didn't care that a little crowd of doctors and crew members were starting to form around the doors in anticipation for the great Commander's escape pod to dock, all Garrus wanted was to see Shepard alive one more time. If not than he didn't know...

"Are you okay?" Nearly jumping Garrus quickly turned to see Tali beyond him. Her once beautiful suit looked burnt and melted in most places, after a second Garrus realized that he had been selfish and hadn't even thought once of her or if she was alright, and with Tali's weak immune system it was a miracle that she was even standing here. Returning to the Migrant fleet and rejoining with her people had been only been days away for Tali, and looking at her now Garrus hoped she would get back with the qurian's, probably in a few hours a fever and infection would start from all the damage on her suit, not to mention this ship didn't have proper medical care to take care of her like her own people would. Garrus's heart fluttered as everything become to real and vertigo hit him, people were dying all around him, Tali - someone he knew could have died.

"Yeah, yes, I'm fine. Nothing I can't handle," He said giving her a little smile that felt wrong in every way. One look from Tali and he knew she didn't believe him even through the mask, but sometimes its just eaiser to lie to the people you know to make them feel better, sometimes the truth is too hard to face dead in the eye. "I'm... just waiting for Shepard."

"Of course you are," Tali replied instantly like she already knew exactly what he was doing, because she was as good at reading people and their emotions as she was expressing her own, and this was all because of her masking suit that almost separated her from the world. Nervously she started to fiddle and rub her hands together, a habit that Garrus had noticed before, and she started quickly talking and stuttering like she always did. "I'm waiting here too, I guess, I mean the doctors filled my suit up with so many antibiotics I'm swimming in them, but for now I'm alright. I don't have anything better to do than wait, but I also _want_ to wait, because we both care about Shepard, and she means a lot to both of us," She paused to catch her breath. Garrus didn't have energy to talk and if Tali could talk for the both of them he would let her. "I-I never had any brothers or sisters. When I met Shepard she didn't treat me like an alien, just like a friend, than I realized I really cared about her and I sort of liked to think if I ever had a sister it would be her."

Garrus was about to say something, then his sharp hearing picked up someone say Shepard's escape pod was docking, and everything faded away just like that. Shepard was safe, she was coming home, back into his waiting arms.


	4. Nevermore

Whispers and hushing came from the small crowd of onlookers and crew members that had formed and was now waiting around the airlock doors for the Commander to step through and bring everything back to normal once again. Garrus quickly glanced at Tali wanting to ask her if she was alright but knew it wasn't the right time or place. Looking at her he recognized that she probably wouldn't hear a word he spoke, she was to eager and jittery to pay attention to anything, just like a little bird about to take flight. He felt the same way, as soon as Shepard stepped through those doors he was going to sweep her into his arms and tell her everything, every last emotion he felt towards her, not letting anything or anyone hold him back. After all that he and Shepard had been through Garrus had thought she was like his rock and would be alive to make it through another day, maybe he had even taken her for granted, but not after this experience. Life was too short to wait, he realized that now.

The automatic door of the airlock seemed to open unusually slow, a hiss and groan almost seemed to pour from the crevasses and gears as the door started sweep open, a sightless mist and a slight cold wind moved through the room that no one paid any thought too. Bodies went in front of Garrus blocking his clear view just as a someone stepped out of the airlock. Voices rose as dozens of people tried to talk all at the same time and help in any way possible, tidal waves of noise filled his hearing, along with searing frustration. Garrus felt his injured hands that pounded with pain begin to shake as the urge to push everyone aside overwhelmed him. All he wanted was to see Shepard, just one more _goddamn_ time, _just get out of my __**way!**_

_"_I'm fine, really! Nothing wrong with me!" A voice reassured, loud enough to lift above the noise. Garrus stained to hear if it was male or female but couldn't tell from all the uproar. The crowds' noise level began to descend as it sluggishly parted like the red sea to relieve only _one_ standing figure in front of him. A little gasp escaped Garrus' already open mouth as he felt all of his energy begin to drain out of him. It was not the one person he wanted to see. Not the one person he _needed_ to see. His legs violently shook and he felt one of his hands instinctively go back and press against the metal wall behind him to keep him balanced and to stop him from falling off his feet.

"Jo-_ker_?" Garrus whispered as his voice cracked. His eyes tried to met Joker's from afar, and no matter how much he tried Joker's green eyes wouldn't connect with his own to show him that everything was alright, instead they looked away like he was guilty. Garrus craned his neck sideways to see if anyone was standing behind him. There was only the once annoying but now silent crew standing around them, listening to every word, not letting themselves leave or intervene. The question that tearing him apart, the question that was on everyone's mind, finally exploded out from him. "Where's Shepard? Is she alright?"

"Shepard... She..." Jokers voice wavered with indecision, it seemed like the right words were trying to get out of Joker but they just couldn't make it out, and then he met Garrus' eyes for the first time. With that one simple look from Jokers lifeless eyes Garrus knew. He_ knew_ in his heart-of-hearts what Joker was going to say next. Garrus' heart stopped. "She's... gone. I wouldn't get out the cockpit, I wasted too much time, Shepard sacrificed herself so I could be saved."

It hit Garrus then. Everything, every last memory he had with Shepard, every smile and heart flutter, everything flashed in front of his eyes. Then just as quickly as it had come into his mind, it was gone. He shook his head back and forth over and over trying to shake away Joker's haunting words. Garrus tried to breathe but it felt like his lungs were gone. His mind and body could only feel numbness and unbelievable pain. Then his very soul ripped in half, the part of himself that he had reserved to give to Shepard one day was gone, all that was left was a big bloody mess and emptiness. Garrus wasn't complete anymore, he was only half of the person he once was, and that was not the good person that Shepard brought out. Silence pressed upon everyone like a dead weight. No one spoke. In one heartbeat all the pain and depression that flowed through Garrus changed into white-hot anger. Anger against Joker for abandoning Shepard, anger against himself for not going back for her, anger against the world! _This isn't true!_

"You're joking, right? I mean your _always_ joking!" Garrus uncontrollably snarled at Joker. Rage was building up in his stomach like bile. It fumed and started festered its way out of Garrus like a volcano about to explode. Joker flinched at the turian's hateful words and took a step back. _Good I want you to hurt._

"I was trying to save the ship. It isn't my fault-"

_"No _it isn't _your _fault. Nothing is your fault_ is_ it? All you do is joke and kid around, you don't take your job or anything seriously," Garrus fumed at Joker, everyone stared at them, their eyes like cameras recording every moment. Jokers eyes gleamed as if he were about to cry.

"Garrus _please_-" Tali cried, sobs making her little voice catch with each breath, she reached out a hand a fragile hand towards him, trying to comfort him and sooth his pain. Like a simple touch would make everything he felt go away. Garrus snapped his head so quickly toward her that she nearly jumped back with surprise. His heart hammered inside his chest as he stared at the qurian with bulging eyes, Garrus didn't care if he insulted Tali or made her more upset then she already was, he didn't have control over himself or anything he said anymore. He was running on instinct alone.

"NO! Don't touch me! Don't you _dare_ touch me!" He roared at all of them loud enough that it echoed off the walls. "Shepard's dead and there isn't anything you can do to make it better!"

The words had just slipped out of his mouth like they were nothing, like they meant nothing, Shepard was gone and never coming back. Even thinking that burned Garrus' brain. It felt so wrong to imagine her lying in a coffin, silent, gone forever without that inner spark that lit up her very soul. It was the one thing that made her so unique from other people, the one thing everyone else didn't have, and it too was gone. Garrus felt his heart-break. Without control over his own feet he felt himself run away. He didn't know anything about this ship and was lost in its corridors and maze like halls within seconds, but he knew that if he stopped running his legs would give out and he would never able to ever get back up. Garrus ran until no one chased after him anymore, until no sounds of life remained and all that he could hear was the racing of his own heart, then his legs gave out under him.

The cold metal of the floor touched the side of his face. Love, life, everything he knew had slipped right out of his hands. All he had wanted was one thing, one person, Shepard. Tears slid down his face faster than he could wipe them away. Turian's didn't cry, _shouldn't_ cry, he tried to tell himself, but the effort was lost every time he remembered Shepard's face. After what felt like some time he tried to stand back up, he reached and dug his talons into the walls to try to steady himself up, to try to gain some power and look strong again, but then just as before he couldn't control himself and fell back down to lay on the floor. All by himself and his terrible thoughts. _Did I do something to cause all of this? Or am I being punished? This is all my fault. I should have went back for her. Even if I died in the process, it would have been worth it to know that she was alive and I wouldn't have to feel like this now, Shepard could have just found someone else. All I am is a pathetic washed up C-Sec officer, she would have never loved a turian anyway, but now I'll never even get to find out if she really could have loved me, now Shepard's dead and its all because of ME! _

_"GOD DAMN IT!"_ In one instant Garrus sprang off the floor and was on his feet and smashed a fist through the metal wall with so much force that the wall moaned and slightly concaved inwardly. He tried to breath, tried to calm himself, but there wasn't any good thing in his life he could grab on to for support. Everything he had thought would have at least happened in his life one day, was gone. All his hopes and dreams of being with Shepard, together, having each others back through fire fights and the calm of the storm had fallen through the cracks of his fingers, like the entity of Shepard was as meaningless as thousands of different grains of sand on the beach.

Garrus violently ripped his hand back to show a huge dent in the metal wall, unfelt pain hammered through his hand and on the skin of his broken knuckles, new blood mixed with old dried blood from before, but Garrus didn't care about the pain. Or about anything anymore. If someone like Shepard, someone who was so unbelievable and pure, could of gone out of this world without a second thought life didn't seem to make sense anymore, let alone even matter. Nothing seemed to matter to Garrus anymore. Nothing.

...

Even when time feels like it is never going to move, that every second feels like it drags on and on and your just waiting for the next tick on the clock, time does passes. Even if it doesn't feel like it and all you can do is remember haunting memories that twining with old unforgettable ones of your past time and you move through your own life-like an empty shell, time does pass. It does for everyone and it did for Garrus. Even when it felt unimaginable.

The words of Anderson's speech lolled out of Anderson's mouth and past Garrus' without being heard or felt. He wasn't paying attention to anything or anyone. He hadn't really known why he had come here in the first place, or what he thought he would feel. What could be felt here? What should he feel at Shepard's funeral?


	5. Into the fire

To breathe without your lungs is impossible, but to live with only _half_ of your very soul present is unimaginable,_ unthinkable_, but this is now how Garrus had to live the rest of his life. He had to go through every day with an unseen gaping wound on his heart that was slowly ripping apart the core of his very being. This was all from the loss of Shepard. Pain and depression up to the neck over took Garrus everyday. All that was left of Garrus was a shattered man.

Heat radiated from the dozens of onlookers that were listening intently to every word that came out of Anderson's mouth. The sightless words flew past Garrus without his notice, he couldn't focus on anything except that of a giant holographic picture of Shepard being displayed behind Anderson. The light it produced seemed to make the dim room feel more bright. All of Garrus' attention was on that _one_ picture, he felt awed and hurt when he stared at the photograph, but he could not rip his eyes away from that picture. In the photo Shepard, dressed in her N7 armor as usual, looked so heroic and _so_ alive, like in a blink of an eye she could step out of the picture and come back from the dead, but of course Garrus knew that wasn't true. Shepard wasn't in the land of the living anymore. Garrus turned his head from side to side for the first time and took in his surroundings, he watched as people Shepard had never even met bowed their heads in respect or grief for the loss of the Great Commander, the Hero of the Citadel.

It had been weeks since the Normandy had gotten attacked and been destroyed, no body of Shepard had ever been discovered in the wreckage, but after that amount of time no one could still be alive in the cold grips of space. Hope from everyone had dissolved and disappeared. All that anyone could do now was try to remember the hero that Shepard had been. Without a body this gathering was technically more of a memorial, then a funeral, but even with Shepard missing in action at her own memorial the heart ache and agony from the loss of someone important could be felt all around.

Garrus felt his eyelids droop, not in exhaustion even though the last time that he could remember himself actually sleeping slipped his mind, but because the strength it took to continue to draw breath and make his next heartbeat with no real reason to continue to live came crashing down upon his shoulders. Why had he even come here in the first place? There was nothing here for him except recollections of a time that had once been, but no longer existed today.

After the attack on the Citadel, the only place that an appropriate formal memorial could be held was inside hastily and barely repaired Council Chambers. This place had once been beautiful, now almost everything from the walls to floors showed visible burnt marks and tarnishing from all the fighting. Raising his pale blue eyes Garrus stared straight ahead at Anderson. No one stood beside Anderson, he was all alone as he spoke. Anderson, standing on top of the large pedestal-bridge that the councilors normally only used when debating different verdicts spoke a long and most likely beautiful speech. All though Garrus couldn't hear one word, it was as if Anderson was speaking a different language. As always Anderson talked with the same power and conviction, so loud that his voice bounced off the walls, except now a low tune of gloom ran under the strong almost wavering voice.

Then for the briefs of moments Anderson paused and too looked up. His and Garrus' eyes connected, even though distance separated them because Garrus stood near the back of the crowd of mourners, and they both held the unbreaking gaze for just a second. Garrus felt like he could have been the only person in the room at the way Anderson nearly glared at him. Swiftly Garrus dropped his head back down, he felt guilt-ridden, and tried not to recall the last conversation he had with Anderson. Then without control Garrus thought of how Anderson had requested that he should say something about Shepard, and how Garrus had frankly refused without a second word, because Garrus _knew_ that if he stood in front of all those people he wouldn't be able to think or talk, let alone do an entire speech.

Claustrophobia and anxiety shook the ground Garrus stood upon. He shouldn't have come here, the only reason he was attending Shepard's memorial now was to get it through his thick skull that Shepard was dead, so that when he thought about her he didn't have to pinch his skin to see if it was all a dream. Except now life and death just seemed close to his heart and soul for his liking. Without any hesitation Garrus robotically turned around and stormed out of the chambers. He couldn't stay there any longer.

Wrapping his arms protectively around himself to try to stay whole, Garrus rushed down a lone hall just trying to breathe and take one step after another, thinking that maybe if he got far enough away from everything that he knew he could escape out from under the black cloud that followed him everywhere. Maybe if-

"Garrus!"

The broken turian jumped and spun around. It took a seconds for his brian to recognize the person who stood only a few feet behind him. Garrus felt his eyes widen as he gawked stunned at Tali. How long had she been following him? Had she been calling his name? Perhaps for all that length of time that he had being trying to create distance between the memorial and himself by running away the qurian had been trailing him like a shadow. It was all too possible, it seemed like now-a-days Garrus couldn't hear or comprehend anything, the world just flew past him without his recollection. Then another question came to his mind. Why had Tali _even_ followed him in the first place? They had departed on terrible terms, Garrus still knew that Tali was hurt from him yelling at her, even though none of what had happened was her fault. She was just an incident bystander, his _friend,_ and he had treated her like she was nothing. What kind of person _was_ he?

_"Tali? _What are you doing? Following me?" He asked questioningly. Garrus watched as she nervously took a small step forward. With her small hands that were similar to his Tali adjusted and fidgeted with her low-cast draping veil. Garrus vacantly observed that she was wearing a completely new suit, it closely resembled her old one except for a small difference. Instead of Tali wearing her old bright colors that made it easy to spot her in a crowd, this time her suit was completely black, and embellished with silver qurian symbols. The meaning of those symbols most likely translated to death and the loss of a loved one. Tali had specifically worn this suit for a funeral. Shepard's funeral.

"Yes, I-I was following you Garrus, I saw you run out and I just needed to make sure that you were alright," She chattered. Looking at Tali Garrus couldn't help but notice that wearing that new suit Tali seemed to resemble someone who looked and felt greatly more mature, like the happy and carefree aurora inside Tali had vanished, replaced with one that had no more innocence or nativity. Garrus shook his head in disbelief at her standing before him and raked his brain to try to recall if he had even thought of Tali once since all the latest events had unfolded, and he realized he hadn't even noticed that Tali had been in the same room as he was. Garrus tried to convince himself that it was just because of the new suit that he hadn't observed her probably standing with some of her qurian colleagues an arm length away. "Ever since... _everything_ happened you just haven't been the same!" Tali squeaked.

"I'm _fine_," Garrus hissed, saying those words more to himself then to Tali, and he let out a low sigh. Couldn't everyone just leave him alone? If he wanted to destroy everything in his life he had worked so hard for, burn all his bridges with his friends and family, and fall into a hole of depression and that he couldn't escape from then why couldn't he? It was his life!

"Maybe on the outside, but on the inside your not _fine_ at all, I know; I'm going through the same thing as you are and I'm not _fine_!" She cried. Tali inwardly bowed her head and quickly cupped the side of her helmet with shaking hands. "Garrus, you're not the only one who cared about Shepard. You don't think she meant everything to me, and was the best friend I ever had? You _can't_, you _don't_ know-" Then her quivering voice was overcome with heartrending sobs. Tali's small body violently shook with incredible force from each sob that came spilling out of her mouth. Garrus felt his rough skin prickle as he stood beside Tali not knowing what to do. He had never been good at comforting someone, even if they were his friend. It seemed to Garrus that he was only good at seeing the worst in different situations, he was not good trying to make them better. Unsure of knowing what to do Garrus timidly raised a hand and placed it on Tali's shoulder for less than half of a second, then snapped it back to his side. How could he secure someone elses emotions when he felt so horrible?

"I just _miss_ her so much, I don't, I don't know what to do without Shepard," Tali wept, her voice so weak and low it sounded more like she was muttering to herself, and then she slowly raised her head and stared Garrus straight in the eye. "T-thats why, I-I followed you, because Shepard wouldn't want all of us to go our separate ways hating and never talking to each other." She paused trying to steady her voice and Garrus couldn't help but bitterly think; _how do you know what Shepard would have wanted? "_It's also just what us qurian's do, since we all live together in such a tight space when a death occurs of a loved one, everyone feels and shares the grief, we mourn together."

"Well, turian's _don't_," Garrus snapped feeling a strange anger move through his body. War was something that had spread over the countless generations of his people and because it was so generally common it was permanently embedded into the core of turian's culture. People died, there was always going to be losses in a time of fighting, Garrus had known his from the moment of his birth and he knew it now. He didn't want to talk about the inner battle that was going on inside himself, because keeping the pain to yourself was just how it worked in his society.

"I guessed that, but I thought because of how close we all were to Shepard, that you might want to talk about it and-"

"Just, go _away_ Tali!" Garrus snarled and watched as Tali jumped back like his words had physically slapped her. He hadn't meant to hurt her but having this conversation about Shepard with Tali just felt the same to him as talking to some head doctor. Garrus didn't want anyone renting room in his head. Tali whipped her head back and forth, as if to shake out the hurtful words, and recover from the damage of his verbal abuse.

"_Garrus..._"

Talking about their friends dying just didn't fit into Garrus' schedule. He didn't want to hear anymore of what Tali had to say. Garrus used the speed in which all turian's had inherited to dash away from not just Tali, but also from the shock of the how his life was spiraling out of control. He just needed to forget about everything, run away, into a blind abyss. Garrus was nearly glad when he realized Tali was not following after him like a lost puppy, maybe their friendship was over, but at least he didn't have to deal with her anymore, or anyone.

The question now was, where would he go? What would he do? It was like Garrus was looking down an empty hall with no end in sight. He breathed in a cold shot of air and sat down on the nearest seat in his reach. As his eyes welled up with tears the world around him began to blur. Garrus felt overwhelmed by his loss. Through the fuzzy haze of his mind he heard a voice over the intercom snapping him back to reality like a drunk facing clarity in such a long time. That automated unpersonalized voice became all he could hear.

"Shuttle to Omega leaving in 20 minutes in the shuttle bay, please have boarding passes ready," the voice echoed in the hall all above the haze and confusion of uncertainty. Garrus felt his numb heart pang with a rush of adrenaline. He raised his head and realized that he had gotten all the way to the other side of the Citadel, into shuttle bay. It was like the last piece of the puzzle suddenly now fit, for some unknown reason he felt as though that voice was a sign, a way for his life to be guided forward.

Everyone in the universe knew what kind of place Omega was, if you wanted something from there whether it be drugs or sex, you could get it. Only the rich benefited because they took what ever they wanted and used their power in devious ways, and the poor just got poorer from being kicked when they were already down. Omega was a mess, a part of the galaxy that needed, should be cleaned up, and maybe Garrus could be the person to do that. If he was going to die, he didn't want it from his broken heart, he wanted to die fighting. It sounded crazy to him as he thought about just jumping on the next shuttle, but he had enough money, he could buy new clothes and guns. Slipping away into the night, where no one knew him, for some odd reason also just felt perfect. Maybe he was going crazy but he had nothing to lose. Garrus stood up and decided right then and there that Omega sounded like the best place for him, and at least he couldn't make the place any worth then it already was in his mind.

_Perfect..._


	6. A new start

Omega's night life and partying went on and pounded like an anxious heart. It was one place in the galaxy where nothing ever seemed stopped, everyone rushed to and fro from one place to the next, and life went on in a hectic blur. The noise of wondering vagrants and drunken fools from outside broke through the barrier of Garrus's dream world and forced him to reluctantly snap his eyes open. The smell of pollution, garbage, and filth from the repulsive streets invaded Garrus's nostrils. A racing heart from the quickly receding nightmare of Shepard pushed out all other noise he could hear, leaving him deaf and breathless, and it took moments for his brain to connect and remind him of where he was. Scanning the tiny hotel room and its furnishings Garrus let out a low sigh, he was not back on the Normandy like he hoped he had been, instead now he and his stifled sense's took in the putrid smell of Omega and were almost welcomed by it. Whatever aroma somewhere new gave off was always the first thing he noticed, even if it was an awful smell. Somehow over the time that he had been here Garrus was now accustomed to Omega, and with realizing the truth of that thought even more dread flowed through him.

Rolling over on the small unclean bed Garrus's congested hearing felt greeted to the sound of a loud hollow _pang!_ as an empty liquor bottle fell on to the floor. Meekly he watched as the bottle rolled under the bed and out of his sight. Now-a-days it seemed the only way to slip into a deep dreamless sleep that latest more than one or two hours was to have a tremendous amount of alcohol in his system. Then slowly like always the effects of the drink of his choice wore off leaving only tortured regrets of his past behind.

Even with immense dark circles coloring around his hollow eyes and sleep calling to him like a lonely mistress Garrus knew that rest of any kind was far from possible. It was not going to happen tonight. To get even a few hours of sleep every time night fell felt the same as running a marathon, because no matter what, when he closed his eyes he saw Shepard's face imprinted on his eyelids, and then her screaming started. Its horrid sound would wash over his body as sleep took control of his mind. Tears poured down Shepard's face as clear as water and her haunting voice pleaded and cried out for him to save her, always to save her, and try with all his might he did. The urge to protect Shepard was something Garrus had always secretly felt and sub-consciously known, he would always try to rescue Shepard from any danger that crossed her path but of course always at the end of the dream that every night replayed in his mind he was just to late. Story of his life.

Finding the pain to breathe reaching the level of unbearable Garrus staggered out of bed and quickly tried to yanked opened the nearest window, he felt that his throat was in the beginning stages of closing from the all the different emotions that pounded in his chest, like he was about to suffocate. The window pane groaned in protest and from years of disuse, but using his strength from his well toned arms Garrus was able to get it half way up. Tainted air filled the small room but at least the reek was a good distraction and helped clear his boggled head and dissolve the tears that were building in his eyes. You'd think after so long that being able to produce tears would be impossible, that his eyes would dry up, but everyday the tears never failed to show up.

Garrus watched halfheartedly as drunks and people who had gambled away every last Credit stumble around below. What they were doing looked so easy to copy in his own life. Garrus already had barely anything to name that he owned, he had only replaced key items to ensure survival, and the rest of almost all his Credit's was gone from being spent on Information Brokers. Shepard's death should somehow still be avenged in his mind one way or another, and if Garrus could find the culprits of Shepard's murder he would make them pay, but every Broker that he had hired had come back to him with nothing. Like the attackers of the Normandy had disappeared into thin air with no trail to follow.

Since Garrus had come to Omega he hadn't done anything but procrastinate about what to do first. Everywhere you looked crime was in an abundance, just point a gun and shoot and you would hit a person who had done something wrong, but mostly the reason he hadn't accomplished a thing was because Garrus just felt plain useless. The Council had rejected his pleas that soon turned into begs for them to use the information Shepard had gathered and try to prepare for the up and coming war. Refusal was all they gave him, as well as a mouthfuls of condolences for his lost. Like they cared.

The cold night air that lightly touched Garrus' skin suddenly made him feel dirty and wasn't of any use as a distraction. Shutting the window Garrus backed away and decided his thoughts needed another way for them recede or become supressed. He lifted and took off his shirt, cascaded the clothing piece down on to the ground without a second glance and proceeded to the bathroom. After a moment passed of standing around in the small blemished room meant for hygiene Garrus finally found the nerve to stare down at his torso and take in a good long look. Shepard's death had not only changed everything he had on the inside, but the aftermath of her being gone were starting to show outside as well. The dull metallic shine in which all his people had on their tough ridged skin was now gone, the plates that had once covered and cupped each one of his hard abs were starting to hang from so little nutrients in which he now put into his body. Peeking out from his low riding trousers were his hips that jutted out and looked as sharp as spears. If anyone were to look at Garrus now they would describe him only as sickly, not like the once strong turian he had been.

Throwing off the rest of his clothing Garrus stepped into the shower and turned on the water until it rained down upon his body in a continuous flow. The temperature couldn't be felt from how numb he was so it didn't matter one way or the other if it the water was to hot or cold. Turian's really didn't need to shower as much as other species since oils and sweat didn't build up on their skin as quickly as human skin did, they mostly just did it to wash off the dirt, but the beads of water that poured down the arch of his hump or that went in between the intricate lace work of his plated skin felt calming and mind clearing. But after a few minutes Garrus was starting to flake and itch, and the poor draining shower was accumulating water faster than it could get rid of it. Pooling at his ankles the water vaguely reminded Garrus of tears, and with that thought a way to distract himself had vanished.

Stepping out from under the shower head Garrus peered out of the mist of condensation and at himself in the mirror. The skin that wasn't protected by plates was a light pink from the heat of the water, and without any accessories on his face Garrus' features now looked raw, childish, and so old at the same time. Without any hesitation Garrus felt a rush came over his body and suddenly with a blink of an eye he threw back on the same old clothes he had worn before and paced around in the main part of the hotel room. Garrus searched around tirelessly for the new rifle he had recently bought. It was the same make and model of his old rifle, but just because you own a gun that is same kind as your old one doesn't mean its your's yet or that your used to it. Garrus still had to get used to its feel and weight, which took time and tinkering from many hours of calibrations.

Finding the gun poking out from under his bed he sat down with the piece of weaponry and almost held it like it was a baby. Staring down at the rifle he memorized the shapes and lines of craftmanship that had been put into building it. The memory came down upon him of why he had thrown the gun out of his sight. He remembered how the cold barrel of the gun had felt and tasted in his mouth, how it would be just so easy to pull the trigger, and then how Sheprd's voice as clear as day had flown into his hearing shouting at him to stop. The gun had flown half across the room as Garrus had thrown it and had ended up under the bed.

Letting out a sigh Garrus decided moping around in this tiny room was making him stir crazy and it was time to get out into Omega a fight. There wasn't anything left holding him back, his family had stopped calling him so long ago, everyone had moved on. It was time that he pushed on to, and in the best way he knew how, by fighting.

...

Life changed from a stand still to an out right chaotic mess, but there was routine in the chaos, because everyday Garrus woke up and stopped something awful from happening. Whether it was stopping a drug trade, or a messing up a weapon shipment, Garrus went out and was busy to think. Often enough he got pinned down in cover killing wave after wave of Merc's, and at the end of the day he was just to tired and grateful that he was alive to think, then Garrus collapsed into sleep. He knew that he couldn't ever get over the death of Shepard, but if he kept himself busy enough he could try to run away from her memory, even though Shepard's presence hooked into his flesh and chased every which way he went. At least when the chaos of the day died down the moments Garrus allowed himself to think of Shepard barely lasted longer than a painful hour, then Garrus was back on the move, planning and deciding what to do next. Before the end of the month was upon him Garrus had already made somewhat of a small difference on Omega, and a name for himself. People were starting to find hope again, and it was all because of him. Life was as good as it could be expected, given the circumstances.


	7. Recruitment

The light from the near by street lamp touched and nearly made Garrus' skin tingle. He wished that he could feel the warmth of the pulsing electricity, instead that of the cold from Omega's dirty streets. Letting out a huff he watched as his misty breath floated out in the cold air away fly forever gone, adrenaline throbbed through his veins and pores from the recent battle, and he hated to admit it but he felt _good_. With rifle in hand Garrus started to walk away from the scene, a smile - the first one in what could be described as an eternity came across his face. It was strange to once again be able to feel, Garrus felt oddly exposed and vulnerable, like when you ripped of a band-aid and let the open wound be announced to the world. The turian waited perplexed for a wave of guilt to hit him and bring him back down into a world of nothingness, because feeling good did not feel possible anymore, the hole in his chest was just begging to resurface and continue its dull throb.

"You're Archangel." Garrus felt every sign of emotion drop off his face as he turned slowly around and stared wide-eyed at the figure before him. Confused by the statement that should have been a question Garrus took a disgruntled step back from the almost arrogant human. From helping so much on Omega locals had started to begin to call him Archangel, because he was their savior, and Garrus couldn't help but feel pride when someone called him that, except not now.

Only the spirits would know how long this human had followed him for, and after experiencing this frenzied month of barely sleeping and trying to save Omega from itself no one had outwardly spoken to Garrus or even thanked him for trying to make this small asteroid a better place. Which was now why he felt so surprised as he gawked at the follower who must have tracked him since he had stopped a small store from getting robbed. Garrus opened his mouth and started to stumbled over his words like a little child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Before anything of any importance could be said the human male cut Garrus off.

"I want to join you," the words fell out of the young mans mouth and felt the same as hearing a language that was similar to you own but not quite. Garrus gave the man a look that suggested what he had just heard was something impossibly crazy, like being told Palaven had just blown up. Garrus tilted his head sideways trying to convince himself he had misinterpreted this entire conversation, and tried to understand what the human that was so new to life really meant by saying those words. The man surely didn't look like a fighter, or a honed killer, it was even difficult to call the person in front of him a man because the energy he gave off was a like that of a child. Taking his eyes off the human and mentally shaking himself Garrus focused and readied his firm words of decline for anyone to join up with his cause. What he did, trying to create peace in the mist chaos from the core of Omega, he did this alone. The new life this turian now lived was his decision and he wasn't just about to bring someone else down with his choices. No audible or comprehensive declaration was outwardly spoken before the human seemed to sensed what Garrus was already going to say and interrupted the turian's planned speech. "I'm not taking no for an answer."

Stifled Garrus watched at how serious the humans voice and body language had become. The man crossed his arms around himself defensively and stared at Garrus with strong soulful eyes. Looking into those brown eyes Garrus saw something he hadn't before, an inner fire that was burning bright from the boy's passion and drive. A drive that wanted to get things done, a passion for change, something Garrus could relate too, something he once had and felt. Except there was one gigantic difference between the two of them, this human still had his whole life in front of him, at his young age he could just get the hell out of Omega and start again. Garrus on the other hand knew for a fact that this was the last place he would ever visit, the last place he would ever see a sunrise or sunset, and sooner or later this place would be his grave.

"No, I work alone," Garrus spoke trying to put force and meaning into the deadness of his voice. Even to his hearing the sound was heard as fake and more animated than a robots. All of the young mans face flushed with anger as rejection hit him. Garrus could almost smell a temper trying to being supressed.

"'Figured as much, but hear me out!_" _The man persisted. The fire that had flashed from inside the humans eyes before hit Garrus again as stared he into the mans vision. He had been mistaken, the passion, the drive, and real heart he thought he had seen earlier was really a desperation and white-hot anger for this place and its surroundings. Almost like a vision Garrus could see the humans life unwrap before his sight, a life that thousands of kids on Omega were experiencing now, theirs and his existence was that of never having enough to eat and always being hungry, with no real-time to experience being a child. A life no one wanted. "I'm a good shot, I'll bring all of my equipment, and I won't get in the way-"

"What I'm doing," Garrus paused and jestered a hand over his body and weapon to make sure the human saw the battle armor he wore and the rifle he held, which still smoked slightly from the barrel, and then he continued on knowing that this time around his decline sounded alive and real. "Is _not_ a game, I'm doing this _alone_, so as I said before, no." Silence spread between the two as the mans jaw hung wide open. Then the shock wore off as the human started to regained his composer quicker then Garrus could believe was possible. He really wasn't going to take "no" for an answer.

"Don't you-"

"You're to young," Garrus stated bluntly and watched as the human felt his words of truth like being a punch in the gut. How old was this kid really? To the turian as he looked at the unwrinkled face that radiated youth the human most likely just graduated from highschool,_ if_ he had graduated at all. A life of being a vigilante was not for him, even if it was hard to hear, the answer was always going to end in no.

"I know how to handle myself! I've lived here all my life, I know every street and every face, I can_ help_," the young man said, his voice was changing from a once determined yammering to a pitiful plea. Garrus couldn't help but faintly consider what he was saying. Even after all the time Garrus had stayed on Omega he really hadn't done anything to stop the fire that was consuming everyone with greed and evil, he had just been able to make sure it didn't spread. A native from this residence with real knowledge or information on the different gangs and criminals was greatly needed. In simple words, Garrus couldn't do this all on his own. _"Please_-"

That word "please" had fallen into the conversation because it was a very good way to stir some cause and effect, and because sometimes saying something as simple and little as please in a time of need was the hardest thing to do. This human wouldn't have ever said anything so weak and demeaning unless it was a true emergency, and Garrus doubted the human had even ever said please to his own mother, let alone a turian he had just met. Garrus watched silently unsure of what to do as the man became choked up with hurdles of emotion trying to regain his dignity. Then rapidly the anger from before had switched to deep embedded grief as he poured out his heart and soul to Garrus.

"I_ am_ young and not that experienced, but those _animals_, those _monsters_ that run these streets murdered my sister," that hit straight in the heart Garrus because he too had a younger sister. It was one person he knew if danger ever came her way he would take every hit, bullet, or ordeal he could think of to make sure she was safe. With ease Garrus remembered all secrets he and his sister had shared, all the times together they had spent playing when they were younger, and just thinking about losing her was too hard to get his mind through the idea. "So please, just let me join you, I _need_ this."

Different outcomes and situations played out in Garrus' tactical mind. Everything that could go right or wrong if this human joined up with him, he could see them dying from various bullet wounds or in an explosion, but then again that could happen anyway without someone by his side. If anything it would be nice to have some company, someone to keep his mind from wondering to far out of the barriers he had set up to protect himself, basically Garrus was lonely. Late at night when the heat of battle faded away and nothing was left to do, Garrus was nothing either, just a hollow shell. A friend it seemed was something hard to come by in Omega, and he couldn't help but want one. If anything a friend could help try to repair the damage. Even if a friendship never got established an ally could also be a useful thing, a person to watch his back, and with more people on his side then less were on the enemy's. Plus Garrus knew this human wasn't just going to just walk away and leave now.

"Okay... Alright," Garrus huffed a defeated mumble of agreement. "But you have to listen to me. If you do anything I don't agree to or don't follow an order this-" he waved his two fingers back and forth between them. "This teammate thing is over." That was that, with those few mouthful of words Garrus realized he had just recruited someone to join up with him, so much for being strong-willed he mused angrily at himself. The human nodded eagerly murmuring thanks and praise, then Garrus felt something tug at his mind for the first time. "Wait, I don't even know your name."

"Oh, I'm Montague," the human paused taken back by what Garrus had said. Then he smiled an impish grin. "'Friends call me Monty."


	8. Transformation

_Pleast read; I'm sorry about the increasing delay and shortness of my chapters. With work and school its very hard to find time to write, but I promise as soon as Christmas rolls around and I get a new laptop I promise the wait will be shortened and the quality and length of every one of my chapters will be increased! Also thanks to all of your continued reading of my story, you all make me continue to become a better writer and edit my work to perfection. Thanks xoxo._

...

The night when Shepard had passed away Garrus realized that because of her death he had fallen into a pit of depression, an almost unending well of darkness, misery, and heart penetrating regret. Then when he could fall no longer he finally hit solid ground with gut wrenching impact. Slowly as Garrus regained his sense of time and space he let himself gazed back up from the entrance where he had plummeted. No light could be seen, no exit could be felt, there was only one thing, complete blackness.

Now as more and more time passed Garrus realized that instead of wallowing around in his own anguish he had begun to start the climb back up, he used the jagged cold walls as support and leverage to continue to move upward. Maybe he would never be able to reach the place that he had been, but the alternative of standing around and doing nothing was unthinkable. So he mindlessly climbed, because doing something was better than nothing.

...

To say the least Monty turned out to have his uses, instead of being a liability like Garrus had first anticipated when the human had joined up he was actually convenient to have around. It was true when Monty had said that he did know every street and face on Omega. Monty took Garrus to places he hadn't even known had existed, and Monty just about had a "guy" for just about everything. The human could get explosives, modified weapons, and black market tech without a second thought. Some of the things Monty showed Garrus made him wordless at how Monty had even acquired them in the first place, but after so long Garrus decided to leave things well enough alone. It was better to not ask questions that you didn't want answers too.

Monty also had another use, a way with his words. It seemed impossible for how young he was, but he could bribe or bargain information out of snitches and brokers just as good as the best of them. If no compromise could be made than Monty released that inner fire of his and brought forth an amazing energy of inspiration that was so intense the person in front of him just had to believe in their cause and unwittingly gave away the information they held. That one simple personality trait reminded Garrus so much of Shepard that a strange bond soon formed between the two of them, Garrus became oddly protective of the human, and he couldn't decide if he hated to admit that fact or if he was to scared too. The turian had never imagined that he would have become close with anyone on this forsaken asteroid, but now that there was someone to watch his back he didn't know what to do. The thing that worried him the most was that if something happened to Monty or that if he died Garrus would lose his footing and fall back down to the place from where he had begun. That was why when Monty ran wildly out of some cover with guns ablaze all the air in Garrus' lungs became forced out.

The turian would never call Monty a friend by any means. The two of them fought so much that _no one_ would ever consider them friends. As they spent more and more time together most of the moments they shared was at each other throats fighting and bickering about strategy and what to do next. But they also became much closer than just normal friends, they connected through the loss they both held in their hearts, and that brought them together. It was a strange relationship, and the only word to describe what they had would be as brothers. Maybe they loathed each other sometimes, but at the end of the day both of them would never just walk away and abandon their mission on Omega, because they needed each other. Though neither would confess that knowledge to anyone.

Even with all of his uses the human was still young, and with youth came irresponsibility, and recklessness. Sometimes Monty got so caught up in the idea of avenging his sister's death that he couldn't think straight. He either became to brutal or empty minded, and that was when his passion overrode their calculated plan, which caused Monty to act stupid and do things that would one day cost both him and Garrus their lives. Time and time again this happened, so much so that Garrus frankly got tired of the situations Monty put him in and had to set up some rules. The human was absolutely floored when Garrus announced how they were to quickly and cleanly as possible kill the opposing force, but Garrus stood firm on the rules he laid down. The second rule Garrus set forth was no civilian casualties, they were suppose savours, and that meant trying to make the lives of people would lived here better. No protest came from Monty with that rule, because he knew from experience how it hurt to lose someone you loved.

As word spread that the Archangel had acquired a sidekick more people who wanted to become recruited stepped forward and offered to join up with Garrus, but of course the turian wasn't just going to let any trigger happy moron become part of his team. After much decision he selected only ten from the elite few of the different clusters of aliens and came up with a surprising and strange-looking bunch, but not one of them was someone you would want try to pick a fight with. The squad consisted of ex-military operatives, old C-sec officers, and even a few experts in their field of work. Most were sharp-shooters that cut down the enemy force before they even could comprehend what was happening. The best of the group was similar holding a hand full of different cards. There was clever salarian who was deadly with explosives, and a batarian that was genius when it came to tech, and the rest were mostly human. Not surprisingly most of the team knew Monty in some way or another, but when a human named Ripper who had expertise with anything that was sharp started to talk to Monty like he was his best friend, Garrus just had to let his mind wonder at how these two had come to know one another.

Being a minority around all the different species Garrus couldn't help but feel small, so finally when a another turian named Sidonis united with the crew he felt somewhat better. Both turians didn't have much in common, but they had experienced similar expectations to live up to, and situations that they had lived through could be compared to one another from them both being born turian.

The team was various and different, but they had a few things in common. They all had courage, which was a thing that most people didn't have inside themselves, because having courage meant being able to do the right thing even if it was difficult. Almost everyone on Omega did the easiest option in front of them, which was usually immoral, corrupt, or just plain illegal. That was what all linked them together. All the members of Garrus' team were sick and tired of being pushed around from the bad guys, and like Monty they had lost someone important to them from the various gangs. Simply put, they wanted change, and being surrounded by their experience and hunger Garrus felt determined to started the transformation on Omega. The other link that bond everyone together was that every last one of them looked up to Garrus as their leader.

It was strange to go from nothing to being a head of a small organization, Garrus often wondered how Shepard used to do it and how she hadn't of lost her mind. Planning about what shipment to stop or what gang on Omega they should hit next often turned into full on brawls, and Garrus was the person in the midst of it that had to fix all the problems. He was the person that decide where and when to go, he had to listen to everyone's voiced opinion with concern and fair judement, and if their was a mistake Garrus blamed himself. The turian had eleven lives riding on his back. The responsibility boggled his mind, sometimes fear got the best of him, but freezing up and doing nothing was not an option. As the weeks faded away into months though, Garrus became used to the burden, because all of them helped make him stronger than he already was. This was his life now.


	9. Betrayed

The sun was just beginning to set, but the day was far from being over. Soon after the nightfall faded away and the sun's light barely began to break through the darkness from the far horizon line, Garrus and his team were going to have to get up and be on the move. Tomorrow just before dawn arose was when a major drug factory changed its guard shifts, and if the information they had received from the various Brokers was true, this was also when workshop would be at its weakest. The plan was to destroy the factory so not even its foundations were left standing, because if it was gone almost half of the drugs that flowed through the veins of the patrons that lived on Omega would be non-existent. Garrus and his team had prepared over strategy and tactics for months, and every detail was nothing more than simple perfection. This job was more difficult than slaying one person like a mass murderer or crime lord with a bounty on their head, the team was going in one to ten, and even with being prepared as they were the odds were still in the enemies favor. But Garrus would be damned if he was going to let someone die on this mission. This was the single biggest job were going to do and had ever done, if everything went well then it would be the final push they needed and it would make everything change on Omega, all the odds and oppression would cease to matter. Their success would be the sunlight that finally tore through the thick clouds of overcast.

Breathing out a long sigh Garrus bent slightly over the ledge of the second story apartment and watched the world go pass with faint amusement. This was the teams base of operations which he now stood in, and it had been deliberately bought and chosen for many reasons. It only had two ways to enter and exit, either through an underground system of tunnels, or across a narrow bridge. Of course at a moments notice the tunnels could be blown to down into pieces for when any of their enemies ever got smart enough to use them. The underpass was also a great escape route, it was an old underground maze that continue in many ways and directions with only one true way to get out. Only Garrus' team knew the way in and out, and he doubted with a smile that the opposing force would ever become intelligent enough to figure out the specific route or even that the tunnels existed at all. The base's location was also just under the noses of some local gangs territory, and _if_ they were even remotely smart they would have already figured out that Archangel and his crew had lived here for months.

More and more of his team were beginning to arrive at the base from the time Garrus had given them off to get in the right mind-set and spend some time with their families. Everyone knew about the odds, and that could lead to stress, nerves, and thinking about past mistakes, and weak mind lead to a weak body. Someone being unfocused meant they weren't at a hundred percent, and every mission required all their effort and strength rolled into one, so this was unacceptable. Also, the crew had worked harder than ever before, even if the day didn't end in fighting and was instead a battle of words over tactics the toil over planning was demanding, and Garrus didn't want his team to become burnt out. In any sense they deserved a day off from the grueling work that had over taken their lifestyle. Garrus nodded at each member that came upstairs to show that they had arrived, and he in turn welcomed them by giving them light half-hearted greetings. Almost all the gang were going to stay and sleep downstairs, and the only reason they had visited the second story was to get acknowledgment that they were not absent. But since most of the located furniture was downstairs, along with several footlockers to hold their armory and weaponry everything was just made easier if they stayed on the lower level of the base.

Almost feverishly Garrus picked up his rifle and began to inspect, maintain, and tinker with the piece of equipment. He wasn't really doing anything of that had any importance but it would be hours before the mission took off, and the little down time Garrus had on his hands wasn't of use to him. The turian couldn't completely remember what he had done with his day off that had been full of spare time, and more so he _didn't_ want to remember, because it had been painful. Free time meant nothing to do, nothing other to think of, life just wasn't a blur. It seemed now more than usual Garrus thought of Shepard, it could be because of the increasing intensity of his dreams about Shepard. Or maybe it was because in a month or two the second anniversary of her death would spring up, the first one had been insufferable to get through and now it was time again to go through the experience. With a sigh Garrus let his mind wonder._ Has it already been nearly two years?_ Memories of all the things he and his team had accomplished floated around in his vision and then quickly disappeared in a blink of an eye, replaced by the image of Shepard. Garrus had thought that after so long that the hurt in his chest would vanish and be replaced with a healed over wound, but still no matter what Shepard essence clung to his body, never really leaving him alone. Garrus felt his talons dig into the railing of the ledge, for whatever the reason that was causing him to reminisce, it hurt not to stay on constant move, and visible signs were starting to show up that something was in the wrong.

"You should get some sleep," Garrus felt his stomach jump in surprise as he turned his gaze from looking over the ledge to stare at person who had spoken, but the turian would know that voice from behind anywhere, of course it was Monty. No one on his team had an Omega twang like that, because anyone who had grown up from birth on this asteroid had a strange accent that could be barely heard, but it was there, and it came from the how uneducated most children were that grew up on Omega.

"Sleep? Never." Garrus replied with a phony joking tone in his voice. Monty took a step forward, and with eyes full of concern it was obvious that from one look he could see all the signs that something was wrong. The greatness of that stare could nearly be felt against Garrus' rough plates by how they examined and tried to pick up all on all the imperfections the turian had on his body. There was noticeable loss of weight, the dark coloring around Garrus' eyes, and the nervous twitch that ran lightly along his skin. Or perhaps the human had as good of hearing as Garrus did and could hear that every cell in his body screamed from exhaustion. It was just the type of person Monty was, he could notice things that others would miss, most of the time this was useful, but not at all in this very moment. How could Garrus ever explain what he felt to someone who was so young? "I have too much to do to _even_ consider sleeping," he continued trying to keep his emphasis light and carefree. Plus him waking up the team by the screaming he made wasn't the best way to inspire hope.

Crossing his arms Monty gave Garrus a slight nod with narrow eyes, they both knew when the issues they faced were important enough to talk about and when to just stay out of each others business. That was why sometimes the both of them could be the best of friends, usually that came just after their voices died and hurt too much from fighting.

"_Well..." _Monty replied drawing out the word, a bogus smile spreading across his lips, it was one that was nowhere near close to his original mischievous and foolish grin. He continued on with a wiggle of his eyebrows. "I guess if you're not going to use that big old bed of yours, _I_ better not let it go to waste," with a pause he let out a little snicker. "But we both knew already that I wasn't going to sleep on the frickin' floor in the first place!"

"Just don't get any of your skin flakes on my sheets," Garrus retorted with an irritated flick of his hand. A chuckle, one that bordered on hysteria and lasted only a few seconds escaped from the turian's mouth, but it was none the less real. It was just like Monty to get Garrus to laugh when he felt like he had nowhere near enough energy to cheery in any way, shape, or form. Then so suddenly, as he watched Monty slowly walk away, Garrus felt his breath catch with pride. Over the months Monty had changed, grown, and matured. He still wasn't the both respectable person to be seen standing next to, but there weren't very many people in his universe that Garrus would want fighting at his side, and at the end of everyday that passed he knew Monty would always be right there at his side.

Then with a catch in his step, the human impressively spun on his heel to once again face Garrus, all of joking was now gone from his face. Just as easily as Monty could read the turian's facial features, so could Garrus. Without really thinking about it Garrus knew that something had just sprung up and into Monty's mind, and that whatever it was evidently bothering him.

"This mission... We both know its dangerous," Monty paused to collect and put forth the appropriate words. "If... if something happens to me, and I don't make it..." Garrus felt his heart rate pick up speed, thinking of his teams very possible mortality never failed to show up and scare the wits out of him. It was better just to ignore some things in the first place. "Could you promise to give this to my mom?" Reaching under the collar of his new and expensive looking armor Monty brought forward and visibly showed a golden heart-shaped locket, attached to long golden chain to Garrus. The humans face began to flush from the awkwardness of the conversation. "It has my moms address on the inside, she knows what I'm doing and what it means if someone gives it to her, but it'll just give her closure ya know?"

"Yeah sure... of course. I promise," Garrus muttered with a little nod, he looked up and their eyes met. "Except were going to kick ass. No one's dying on this mission." No one _could_ die in the first place. The little sanity Garrus had gathered over the months would disappear if there was a loss of life, so it wasn't even an option in the first place.

"We_ always_ kick ass!" Monty laughed trying to ease the tension and rid himself of his embarrassment, but it was true, where ever Garrus and his team went the residents of Omega either knew who they were and gave them handful of thanks. Or they cowered away in fear. All of the high-strung gangs made sure to think twice before they decided to screw with Archangel and his crew. Shrugging his shoulders Monty gave Garrus one last smile as he began to walk away. "I'm going to hit the hay. Got to get my beauty rest. See you in the morning, cuttlebone." Clicking his mandibles waved an annoyed good-bye to Monty. _Cuttlebone? Shepard would like that one. Except she isn't here..._

Just like that, with one simple thought the floor on which Garrus stood upon disappeared out from under him and he fell backwards, landing harshly on the leather couch behind him. Trying to steady his breath he gingerly cupped the sides of his face and hunched inwardly only being able to hear the sound of his rushed heart. Sometimes it felt like at any moment Shepard could come back dead, step out from wherever she had hidden, and be there in front of Garrus with her playful smile and soulful eyes. All though reality has its ways of making you realize when something isn't true, and that was usually by hitting you start in the heart with pain that was so unbelievable that it took your breath away. Inhaling and exhaling over and over Garrus forced himself to remember she was gone, and then finally time once again started to begin to move, it could have been minutes or hours but eventually he let himself raise his head and look up. The light of the sun was gone, replaced by that of the faint and dainty artificial electricity from near by wall lamps.

"Hey."

Snapping his head to the right Garrus let out a little gasp to see Sidonis standing a foot away. He must have been the last of the team to arrive, but from one look a reason for why he was late in the first place was unmistakably there. There was something that was obviously bothering Sidonis by how his fingers fidgeted with his armor and how every few seconds he began to mumbled under his breath. His nervous eyes ran around the room as if they were expecting something. That turian had always been somewhat shifty in Garrus' mind, but he had always followed orders without a complain, and he never gave any back talk either. A moment passed and with a little masked relief Garrus realized that Sidonis hadn't noticed his near break down, or perhaps he was just ignoring that fact.

"What's wrong?" Asking this question had become accustomed and expected of Garrus, because when you worked with so many people often problems started to pop up, one after the another. Usually most of the concern came from issues with other members of the team, but from the look Sidonis gave Garrus he knew that whatever was wrong was bigger then a fight with someone else, that it was personal.

"I need help with something..." He darted his head from side to side to search and make sure that the room they occupied was empty. "I've been trying to gather information about... something _personal_ to me for a while now. Tonight is the night I'm set to met up with an Info Broker, and I _need_ to know this information, but I think the exchange might go bad. If we could meet up..." Sidonis trailed off at a lost for words. "It'll only take half an hour, we'll be back for the big mission, you don't have to worry."

"Send me the location," Garrus said without a second thought. He didn't need to reason if this was a good or bad idea, because this deal seemed to mean the world to Sidonis, and doing this was also a better time killer then doing nothing. The orange from Sidonis' Omni-Tool lit up the room as he sent Garrus the time and site for when they would join up.

"Thanks..." a genuine smile unfolding on his mug. "Arc- I mean Garrus," Sidonis replied with a little embarrassment encasing on his tone of voice. Sidonis had obviously said Garrus' name to show how much this private favor meant to him, and to also tug at his heart-strings in the process. Only a few of the crew knew Garrus' real name, and that was only if he let them, or if they even cared in the first place. This line of work often ended in death, so if someone didn't want to make friends, Garrus didn't blame them.

"Anytime."

...

Tapping all four of his fingers lightly on the dashboard of the hover car he sat inside, Garrus could hear nothing but the rumbling of the engine, and saw nothing but an empty street. Impatience and restlessness began to swim around inside of his chest. Checking his Omni-Tool for the hundredth time a groan escaped his mouth, he was in the right place, and he had waited for nearly half of an hour of his time, and that was not including the close to hour-long drive over here.

"Where is he?" Garrus said out loud to himself, more for piece of mind than anything. He had prepared for a fight, he was ready to help a friend in need, but he was not equipped to stand around with eternity and nothing by his side.

Then completely out of the blue, a piece of the puzzle came falling down and slid into place, suddenly it was like everything now fit together. Even if Sidonis was too afraid to show up he would have called, and the Information Broker certainly would be here now, but there was only a vastly vacant road. Memories from before started to jump into Garrus' mind, Sidonis' nervous eyes looking around to see if anyone was listening, how some gangs seemed to know when, where, and how Garrus' team were going to strike even before they arrived. It was like someone had told them before hand, everything now was just starting to make sense. Garrus was here, and his team was back at the base sleeping, without a clue in the world to what was happening, and that meant they were exposed and vulnerable to an attack. With all the strength he could muster Garrus slammed on gas pedal of the car, the arch of his back smashed into the seat from the dramatic lurch forward, but not one thing could stop him.

"Oh, _spirits!"_


	10. Fallen

The smell of blood was the first thing that hit Garrus. The scent infiltrated his nostrils without warning or hesitation, slapping him directly in his face with its rancidity. Retreating backwards from the several steps he had taken into the pitch-black base, Garrus found himself coughing over and over outside as his lungs begged for fresh air. The little hope he had carried inside of his heart on the ride over here dissolved away, and Garrus knew that everything that he had imagined as being picture-perfect was nothing but false. Taking several calming breaths to settle his nerves and stomach, but it took for what felt like forever to gain the courage to re-enter the building, instead of just standing around pathetically by the front door. There was still a chance that someone, anyone, could be alive. With every second that passed from his useless waiting meant that whoever _might_ have survived had to spend more time suffering through the misery of the injuries that had fallen on top of their shoulders. _My men, my friends, oh no... _

Fumbling blindly on the wall, both of his frantic hands searched desperately for a light switch. Though, even in complete darkness Garrus knew what he was about to see. Then with a press of a button, a flick of the hand, the room filled with light. There was light, but not life. Garrus felt his gut clench, as the world began to blur all into one, and in a near blind haze he forced himself to turn around to see the sight laid out before his eyes.

Carnage? Murder? Those words barely scratched the surface about what could be described. That scene, that image would forever be branded on the back Garrus' brain, like a permanent scar on his very soul. Bodies were everywhere, some scattered randomly in every which way and direction, others lay on the floor and couches from being shot in their sleep. A few looked to have their throats cut or bullets shot into the back of their head, execution style, from waking up and trying to fight back. However they died, one similarity remained with all of them, not one of Garrus' team had stood a chance in this surprise attack. _Who would do such a thing? Some of them had wives, children, hopes and dreams._

Blood of all different colors and origins covered almost all the floor and the various walls, the heat from the different weapons used for this slaughter could almost be felt. Their bodies might as well have still been warm. Garrus felt his legs give out as he hit the floor without feeling any of the impact, though he could feel the texture of the teams watery blood on the side of his face. It was like even though he now lay on solid ground he still continued to fall endlessly. Garrus sensed falling like a blanket wrapping around his body, invisible wind burned his skin, as bile rose inside of his throat. A spasm ran through and down the turian's spine, vomiting was on the tip of his tongue, but it would be nothing more than a dry heave. For no food was in Garrus' stomach in the first place.

If a sound of life hadn't of broke through the fog of nothing, Garrus would have stayed on that floor until time itself was gone and death claimed what little that had been left. Pulling himself up, Garrus realized that this act was the most difficult ordeal in his simple existence he had ever gone through, since concrete was inside of his veins instead of blood. To an outsider though it would have looked like he got up with no resistance or struggle in a matter seconds. As Garrus ran upstairs after the noise, his feet didn't seem to touch the cold metal that was the floor, and hope was the only thing that propelled the turian forward.

Stopping at the doorway that was the entrance to his room, it was like everything that was his life was depending on this moment. If _one_ person lived Garrus knew that he would be able to wake up every time the sun arose just to know that they had someone had made it, and if not, then the already hastily put together shell of his cracked being would explode back into pieces. This time though, there would be nothing left.

"...with me," a wavering voice called out to an unknown figure. Hope and dread mixed together as one as Garrus took a step into his bare room to see who could be alive. At the foot of his bed, lay a crumpled body, sitting in a pool of his own red blood. The person was fighting to stay in the sitting position, and fighting desperately for his life. Just drawing air into his punctured lungs was a struggle, each fleeting gasp was a sickly gurgle, but even in death his voice still had its Omegan twang.

_"Monty?"_ Disbelief would have knocked Garrus off his feet if it was any other time or place. Carrying himself mindlessly forward he found himself crouching down to the human's level, his heart pounded both fiercely and unsteadily in the side of his neck. It took Garrus' all not to fall to pieces right then and there and lose himself and his vision in tears. Of course though he couldn't cry, he had to stay strong for Monty's sake, and he had to pretend that everything was alright. Even if all things were the exact opposite, he didn't want the humans last moments full of fear. _This is just a bad dream anyway, I'll wake up soon. Tomorrow everything will be fine, me and Monty will fight and then joke like we always do._

"Garrus?" Looking up from staring overwhelmingly at the seriousness of the many bullet wounds, Monty found the turian's eyes, and their stares locked together as one. Monty clutched tightly to his stomach and side with shaking hands that tried so hard to keep pressure on the injuries, even though blood spewed out in a non-stopping continuous flow. No one could survive what Monty had received, even if Garrus had been a doctor, he knew that he would never be able to fix this. It was just a miracle that the human had survived this long. "You're alive?" He asked confused, because Monty had thought that like everyone else Garrus had been inside the base when the attack had happened, not off on a wild goose chase.

Working carefully and gingerly Garrus began the process of applying Medi-Gel to all the parts of Monty's body that needed it, which might have been the full of humans torso. With every drop of gel that coated Monty's skin, double the amount of blood sprang up, it was a vicious circle that couldn't be stopped. Garrus knew that it was useless to continue this process, there was just too much blood, but giving up was something he would never let himself do, so he continued on hopelessly.

"Of course," Garrus replied trying to keep his voice even and his hands busy. To distract Monty from his pain and the increasing loss of blood the turian moved the conversation along as if it was no big deal. "What happened?"

"I dunno. The shooting woke me up, I got out of bed just as Ripper came through the door. They shot Rip before he could say anything, then they shot me. 'Guess they thought I was dead when I passed out 'cause they left. I woke up and saw Rip was still breathing so I tried to talk to him to keep him alive. Then you'd showed up," Monty wheezed like an old man and tried to catch his breath. Garrus forced his attention off Monty to look behind him, as he gained sight of Rippers unmoving body Garrus realized that he hadn't even noticed the other human. Though, even if Rip still was alive, the turian gave him fastly fading seconds.

Coughing overtook Monty, and his body seized uncontrollably from the shock to his system. With each cough more and more blood started to trickle out of the humans mouth. Garrus didn't know what to do, he became paralyzed with fear, and his mind was blank at how to approach this situation. How could anyone deal with this? Then painfully the fit receded back from where it had arisen, replaced with a long groan. Without warning Monty began to weakly swat away at Garrus' efforts to apply Medi-Gel as if he to knew it as a fool's errand. Their was only so much blood a person could lose before you had to call it quits. Once again their eyes locked, it was the most serious stare Monty had ever given the turian.

"Garrus... am I going to die?"

That was a question no one should ever have to answer. It took Garrus' breath away when it punched him directly in the gut. Then knowing that it was the only thing left that he could do he took Monty's hand, and tried to offer a simple comfort and support in Monty's last minutes. The tears he had held back all this time began to pour out of his eyes bucket-fulls at a time, as Garrus gave the only answer he could think of.

"I'm sorry."

"...S'not your fault," Monty slurred as it became increasingly difficult to speak from how much blood filled and then dripped out of his mouth. As he saw Garrus begin to cry, it was the spark that ignited his own tears. "... do you remember our promise?" The necklace, the mother who was waiting for her only child to come back home, and how no matter how much she prayed and hoped that dream could never come true.

"I..." How could he ever say that to someone? _Your son is dead, and it's because of me. _A promise like this though meant more than anything to Monty, and if Garrus didn't do this no one else would, and he would be haunted forever for not going through with their agreement. "I remember, a promise is a promise."

"Thanks," Monty's voice was barely as whisper. The humans body began to slump as the person who was Monty started to quickly fade away. "I'm tired... guess I'm going to sleep..."

"I-I thought, you d-din't want to sleep on the floor."

A smile, a ghost of what used to be Monty's old grin spread across his face as he remembered the old joke, and then he lifted his head one last time. Garrus watched as his best friend lost the life inside of his brown eyes, he felt the hand he was holding go limp, there was nothing left but an empty shell. A room with no light, a body but no soul. No inner spark remained. No more way of words, no more jokes. Monty was no longer apart of this world. Monty was dead.

Someone so young, someone who had the rest of his life to look forward to was gone. Monty would never find his inner peace over the loss of his sister, he would never get married and have children, never grow old with someone and see his grandchildren. A life with so much potential was now cut short. How could everything be so backwards? Garrus felt as if though the right thing was in his friend's place now, it was only fair. What did Garrus have to look forward too? Nothing.

Not knowing what he was doing, the turian found himself gently picking up the lifeless body of his friend, and then he placed it lightly on the blood splattered bed. Garrus whispered sweet nothings and an old prayer of his people under his breath as he crossed Monty's hands over his chest, and with his two fingers closed those soulful eyes that would never re-open. Reaching under the collar of Monty's blood stained shirt Garrus found and took off the long gold chain, and attached to the chain was that heart-shaped locket.

"I'm sorry," Garrus repeated to himself as he held on tightly to the piece of jewelery. After a minute he let his gaze look down at himself. Nearly head to toe Garrus found himself covered in the humans blood, that was now beginning to dry and turn a dark brown. He felt sick.

The little sanity inside of Garrus' mind snapped in two like a twig. This was his fault, but he was not the only person to blame. Someone had pulled the trigger, someone had arranged this hit, and someone had overseen the production. They needed to die. It was the only way to right their wrong, and Garrus was _damn sure_ that he was going to hand down the justice they deserved. People died everyday on Omega, it was nothing unusual, but this time there would be payback. Every gang, every criminal would pay, and at the end of it Garrus knew that he would be dead. One way or the other, he might as well have written his own death note, he just didn't know it yet. It would be good way to die.

...

Waking up. It's a hard thing to do sometimes, especially when you don't know where you are, or how you are here in the first place. As she opened her eyes her eyelids were like sandpaper, and her body felt like death. The light that filled in pupils was blinding. Trying to breath was the same as putting pure fire down her throat. Voices, unknown voices came crashing down violently into her ears as she tried to fight away the exhaustion. Her heart picked up its speed as remembering what had happened was impossible. Then foreign faces clouded her vision.

"Shepard don't try to move." Never being one to listen she found herself reaching out for the unknown female. The hand she put forth got slapped away. "Damn it! The sedative _now!"_

_No, don't put me back to sleep!_ She wanted to scream but the talking was like swallowing acid. Then like someone had pulled the blanket over her head, the weight of sleep came back into and through her body. Even though she fought, it was useless. Closing her eyes, sleep took control, the last thing she felt was the beat of her heart.


	11. Complete

It begun as it always did_..._

"She isn't going to leave Joker on the ship! She is going to get Joker and jump into an escape pod-"

_"_No!" With that one word, Garrus knew what he was going to do next, and he didn't have to think about it twice. Shepard wasn't going to die here, not today, not _ever._ Liara's bloody and hysterically crying face crumpled before the turian's very eyes, because she too knew that nothing that could hold him back. Garrus pushed aside both her and Kaidan like they weren't anything, and he ran towards the cockpit at top speed, so fast that it seemed impossible. Nothing was going to get in his way. _"I'm going back to save Shepard!" _

This ship was going to hell, after the beaten the Normandy had just received there wouldn't be even _one_ piece of metal left that would be in good enough condition to salvage. There was just no way around it, the ship was lost, but there still was a chance that Shepard didn't have to die in the process of this attack. Garrus knew that no one else would be strong enough, or fast enough, to reach her in time. If he hesitated now everything would crumple into pieces, those precious minutes reserved for rescue would disappear, there was just no time to waste. So Garrus ran on, ignoring the fires and huge pieces of the ship that were missing, and just followed his feet that barely touched the ground. He didn't have to think about where to go, because he knew this place inside and out. Dread clung to Garrus' back and followed his every step like a shadow, as he forced himself to think about only the positive. No way in _hell_ he was going to let Shepard die.

Sickly coughing, followed by gasps for air, was all that could be heard from the cockpit. The second Garrus took a step into that room, he knew it was going to be bad, for the smell of blood was the first thing that hit him. Lying in a pool of her own blood was the person he needed to, _no_ had to save.

"Shepard."

Looking up from the various burns that had melted most of her armor disgustingly into her skin, their eyes met, and it was like nothing Garrus had ever felt. It could not be described with simple words when everything around the two of them was so hectic, but he would never forget that look.

"_Garrus?"_ Shepard asked to weakly for the turian's liking, while clutching her injuries with shaking hands. "You... you came back for me?" A smile spread across his face without his control. Her asking that question nearly left the turian speechless, because even if it was the end of the world, Garrus would_ always_ come back for Shepard. They were best friends, a team, one wasn't just complete without the other.

"Of course, no one else could give you the stylish rescue you deserve," he said with a small uneasy laugh. As he crouched down to her level, Garrus couldn't help but feel nervously panicked at how much blood was coming out of Shepard. She needed medical attention, and she needed it _fast._ "Come on, we need to get you to safety."

Without letting her say a word of how she didn't need any help, Garrus mindlessly put one arm under her knees, and the other around Shepard's torso. He lifted her up and pressed her safely to his chest as gently as possible, trying not to make the injuries any worse than they already were. With every wrong move Shepard's face drained of color as she clamped her teeth together to stop from screaming. Garrus' mind viciously yelled at him every time he was clumsy, but after everything done and she was in his arms, there wasn't anything he could do about his mistakes. Shepard's crumpled body pressed into his battle armor like it was a reflex, as her breathing became more and more ragged. Garrus could hear and feel her heartbeat, feel her weight and the warmth her body gave off, and he knew he would give anything to make sure he could hold her in his arms once again.

"I made Joker get on the escape pod by himself, we don't have time Garrus... we..." Breaking off mid-sentence Shepard voice became drowned out by a fit of coughs. With each cough, more and more blood spewed out of her mouth. It made Garrus' stomach become full of knots as something from before tugged at his mind, but he just couldn't and wouldn't remember, because Shepard was too important. Garrus focused and showered all of his attention on her, trying to make his voice even and believable.

"We'll make it."

Turning around, Garrus found himself greeted by a giant yellow laser beam. The heat of the weapon hit him like he had run point-blank into a wall, as his heart explode into a race. The beam swiftly cut and severed the cockpit from the rest of the ship, leaving both of them stranded. _NO, there has to be a way, we've done the impossible, and we can survive this. I'm not letting her die here. Damn it!_

"...Garrus?" Not letting his eyes off the one and only exit, Garrus felt something warm touch and cup the side of his face. When he finally let himself look down at Shepard, he realized it was her caressing his old mug. So many thoughts ran through his mind at the speed of light, because there was so much that he wanted to tell her. Garrus wanted to say everything about how he felt, how he would always feel. He wanted her to yell at him for not coming quicker, and how it was all his fault. Everything swirled around Garrus in a blur. "Am... I going to die?"

Old memories of brown eyes and mischievous grins sprang to life. Bodies of dead friends, gold necklaces, and blood. So much blood.

"Shepard... I..." It was like Garrus' tongue disappeared out of his mouth, and all that was left was a stump. There stare into each others eyes start to ignite as Shepard realized the situation they were in. No way back, just them, and then eternity.

"Its okay, Vakarian," she said with a smile as she continued to hold his face with a quivering hand. A smile came across her lips, one that lit up all Shepard's face and made Garrus' heart flutter a mile a minute. Without knowing what he doing Garrus found himself memorizing everything about-face he already knew and loved. Shepard's piercing and all-knowing eyes, the curve of her soft lips, the way her jaw formed. There was not one thing he would make different.

Then everything changed. So slowly at first, the details of the change would be missed by anyone else, but Garrus knew Shepard's expressions to well to become fooled. The smile turned from lovely, to some how off. Like suddenly her face became pulled to tight, her eyes were to sharp like knives, and her nails dug lightly into the side of the turian's face. It was wrong, all wrong.

"Its okay..." Shepard repeated. "You don't have to worry about saving me, because I'm already dead."

"W-what? No-"

"I'm dead and its all your_ fault!"_ She screamed so high-pitched that it was like nails on a chalk board. Then crystal clear tears fell from the beauty of her face, as a haunting cackle escaped from her mouth. The ship began to explode all around them, as voices of dead friends and Shepard's chilling laughter became all Garrus could hear. The world around him started to spin faster and faster, as he became trapped in a tornado. Debris and fire all blurred together as one, the force was so strong that Shepard ripped out of Garrus' arms. It flung her into the world-pool of nothingness, as everything began to disappear.

_"I tried to save you!"_ He frantically yelled at the top of his lungs even though Garrus knew it was useless. _"I'm sorry!" _Then the turians vision went black.

The dream world had other plans though, instead of waking like would normally happen, sleep continued to pull Garrus down further and further. He could nearly see the real world in his vision, he could feel a scream building in the back of his throat, and then dreaming sliced through his skin. He became submerged into another place, another world, entirely.

That witch-like cackle from before was gone, replaced by a musical sing-song laugh that floated around Garrus like an invisible mist. Looking around, he was no longer standing inside of the Normandy, but now was in the middle of a field. If Garrus looked to far ahead everything from the flowers to blue sky began to blur into one, but he was so taken back by its beauty that he didn't focus on the small details. For once in so long he felt free, weightless, without regret or pain digging into his conscience.

In a blink, one minute there was only him and his surroundings, and in the next there was Shepard. She stood before him nearly glowing. No longer bloody and hurt, instead fully healed and healthy, and _so_ alive. Her long hair cascaded around her like a waterfall, as her playful eyes examined Garrus' face with amusement and wonder. Then she smiled, it was so big that it filled up all of her face. In one motion she took his hands and just simply held them.

"Don't you _dare_ die on me, Vakarian."

Without knowing what to do, Garrus watched as Shepard let go of his hands and gracefully ran off. Her white dress flowed and wavered behind her, faithfully following after Shepard, as everything about this scene began to become one. Garrus tried to run after her, but his feet were effectively locked into place. All things started to vanish, leaving only Shepard's and what sounded like some children's distant laughter behind.

Then he opened his eyes.

...

"Archangel?" The lights danced lightly on her deep purple skin. Her calculating eyes scanned Shepard trying to find what angle she was coming from. Then a close to repulsive smile spread across Aria's smug face. Obviously the asari had other things on her mind then what a once "dead" Spectre had in plan for the night. She lifted a glowing drink her mouth and took a little sip as she joyously watched a nearby stripper dance. "Why are you looking for _him?"_

"I'm building a team," _and it's not like I have a choice in the matter._ "I need the best."

"And... Archangel _is_ the best," Aria said more fire in her voice then usual. Her eyes came off the dancer and back to Shepard's. Something about her face told that this recruitment mission was going to become harder than swinging by where every this Archangel guy lived and asking if he wanted to join up with Shepard. Things never could be easy. "All though," Aria paused to let out a pleased laugh. "He's in a little _trouble..."_

"What kind of trouble?" Shepard couldn't help but feel her patience begin to ware thin. This whole week was nearly driving what little sanity Shepard had left to disappear. Being brought back to life two years after everything you remember tends to do that to people she guessed. Then she had to wake up and work handcuffed for the enemy, it couldn't help but sting. She ground her teeth together. Shepard remembered how Tali had acted around her when they had met on that colony, like she was now the bad guy or had some killer qurian disease. Tali, who was so nervous and young, had suddenly matured over night. Now she was older, professional to say the least, and strong enough to tell Cerberus to get going. She wouldn't even join back up with Shepard when she had asked. Someone like Tali, a dear friend to Shepard, wouldn't even stand next to her anymore. That hurt Shepard more than she thought it would.

Another thing that hurt was getting ordered around by the blue-eyed devil, the Illusive Man. No say, just go here, do that. Every time she had to talk to him through that holograph, Shepard wanted to vomit. She felt as though she could smell his cigarette smoke, feel his prying eyes, hear the disgusting twisted thoughts inside his head.

Everything was gone, after those two years, everything had changed. Shepard didn't know where everyone had ended up, but she wanted to find them. _God,_ did she ever. In the new Normandy, Shepard didn't have anyone to talk to like she used to. Sure, it was nice that Joker was back flying the ship, but he was to busy yelling with that damned AI. Jacob was to formal, to much of a Cerberus solider, to have a normal conversation with. And Miranda? All she did was look down at Shepard, talk about her perfect genes and how she would run his operation. That was not the kind of person you became best buds with.

To be able to talk freely was what Shepard really wanted, she didn't want to mind what she said to this or that person. A friend, her best friend. Garrus. Feeling a little lost, Shepard thought about the turian. She wondered where he was now, what he was doing, how he was. Did he still think about her? Or had he moved on like Tali, and if they ever met again would he walk away from her? It seemed impossible she knew, but then again doing the impossible was routine for her. But, anyway Shepard looked at it though, she couldn't see Garrus leaving her all alone. He was to loyal, and plus he would want some of the spot-light action and glory on this so-called suicide mission. Hopefully, one day they would find each other. Never seeing him again would be the biggest mistake in Shepard's life. Something about her and Garrus' relationship was more then _just_ friends. At least it was, near the end before the Normandy gotten destroyed, and thinking of him moving on really hit Shepard in the gut. She felt her hands go naturally into fists.

"...I don't know but," Shepard snapped back to reality, to find that Aria was talking her pretty little head off, and that most likely the information she talked about was important one way or the other. "I won't give him long. The three biggest gangs on have teamed up to take him down. Good for them, Archangel's a pain in my ass."

"Why is everyone after him?"

"Because he thinks he's a bloody _saint!_ Omega is a hell-hole, _my_ hell-hole and that's how I like it. Yet Archangel thinks he can come here one day and make a difference! He and his team stopped drug trades, weapon shipments, you name it they did it. And that costed me money," Aria's eyes narrowed at what was the foulness of Archangel. "That of course was until his team was killed. Now he's all by himself, so I would hurry it up if I was you and rescue him before he gets the death he deserves."

One man causing all the biggest gangs to team up and go after him is surely good. If he could even piss off the Queen of Omega, then maybe he would be a good team member after all. Perhaps Arcangel wouldn't question her every move and just be happy to go along for the ride. But it also sounded like there wasn't much time one way or the other to try think about whether or not to rescue him.

"How do I find him?"

"As long as you're getting rid of him, I'm glad to help. There should be some Blue Sun recruiters looking for guns for hire down in club. Recruiting freelancers to try to distract Archangel as he scopes them down. Have_ fun,"_ Aria said with a wicked smile and a flick of the hand. As she watched Shepard get up, most of her grasping attention was for her drink Shepard noticed.

A sniper? Shepard instantly thought of Garrus, and all the time both of them had spent teasing each other about their shooting skills. But thinking about old memories wasn't going to get anyone anywhere so Shepard kept herself on the move.

"Let's get going," Shepard said out-loud both to Jacob and Miranda, and as long as they followed her she would be as happy as she could be on Omega, the dirtiest place in the galaxy.

"But, _Shepard_ the Illusive Man _clearly_ stated that the doctor Mordin Solus was to be the first person for recruitment," Miranda said gabbering on, all the time looking down at Shepard with her judging eyes. Shepard felt frustration once again swim inside of her chest, it seemed every time she gave an order Miranda had to second guess it. No yes ma'am, or that's a good idea ma'am. Just constant nagging and complaining. If Miranda kept this up, and Shepard kept on holding in all of her anger, soon there would be a problem.

"And it sounds like Archangel is in _more_ trouble then Mordin is, what with all the gangs trying to kill him. We deal with this first, then the doctor. All clear?"

"Right. _Commander."_

Sometimes Shepard just wanted to punch something. Good thing they would be going into a fire fight soon enough.

...

Clutching his gun to his chest Garrus realized the truth of his thoughts. His rifle was the only friend left in his life. Then after another hour or so, everything would be gone, as he left this world. Looking over the ledge from his base of operations, Garrus found himself mindlessly shooting gang member after gang member trying to go across the narrow bridge. That was there only route since he had blown the tunnels sky-high and the various gangs now had to dig their way through that mess. It was either that or go across the highly exposed bridge, and with his sniper rifle, Garrus found little challenge in shooting down the witless idiots. It had been fun at first when there had been a gun-ship to toy with, but after Garrus had taken it down, there was nothing left to do but to shoot over and over.

Letting his mind wonder Garrus found him thinking about how empty he, and the base felt. No one was watching his back, no one was talking to him, or making fun of how stupid the opposing force was. This home no longer had a soul, and it sent Garrus longing for before, when everything had been the way it was. Not perfect, but close enough.

Then after the longing vanished, the turian found himself thinking about the dream from before. Since Garrus had pissed off all the major gangs so badly that they needed to all team up, and when he brought the them all back here, it had been the first time in nearly a day since he let himself get some rest. The one time he lets himself sleep, that's what he gets. Garrus had already became used to the repeating nightmare, but not to the second half. He didn't know what it meant, maybe Shepard's spirit didn't want him to die, or his survival instinct was taking over. For whatever the reason, it was causing the turian to become not as sharp as he normally was. Or it could be because Garrus' rations were running low, and he had been in the crouching position for sniping for a solid hour. He felt tired, and washed up. Death was only an arm's length away.

The next wave was being its doomed descent down the bridge. Looking through the scope Garrus found himself staring point-blank at an N7 logo, engraved on a chest piece of someones armor. His mind raced, as he lifted the scopes gaze from the insignia, to the persons face.

"No... it can't be."

...

He hid dumbly behind cover, impatience chopped away at Garrus' nerves, and his trigger finger began to itch. Everything was going to fast for the turian to understand, and if this_ god damn_ gun for hire didn't come out from behind that pillar he was going to-

"Archangel?"

That voice, its wasn't just some unknown voice, it was _her_ voice. Garrus nearly let go of his rifle from that unbelievable sound. Then he quickly remembered how much food and water that had consumed in the last day and such. Which wasn't much, because Shepard couldn't be here. She was dead, and never coming back, so her standing behind him could be nothing more than a hallucination. Still, it was always nice to be polite, so Garrus timidity raised one finger to signal about the busy task in front of him. The moment that gun for hire took a fearful glance out of cover Garrus cracked the whip and was on him, the merc didn't get a chance to think, before the turian's headshot ended his miserable life.

Standing up, Garrus felt a long ache in his steel bones and fatigued muscles from being in one place for so long, but that didn't matter one bit. The moment Shepard's eyes hit his gaze the world stopped. It was only her, no one else. It was always that way, no matter the situation, Shepard was the most important person in the room. Garrus' eyes uncontrollably searched every inch of her face, it was so much different then from the dream. So real, and so unreal at the same time. Tears stung at his eyes, his body shook, and his breath was gone. Just like the first time they had met, she still left him breathless.

The turians very world flipped upside down as he looked amazed at Shepard. Instead of continuously falling down, he was going light speed back up. It blew away his very foundations, as he stared in bewilderment. The look all though was not returned, and taking a moment, Garrus realized why. He wore a protecting helmet that masked his face, to her he was nothing more than a stranger. Her cool eyes and indifference expression was unwelcome to Garrus, so he quickly raised his hand to rip away the piece of armor. This action caused him to experience a wave of dizziness, and as Garrus removed the helmet, it forced him to take a seat on a nearby crate. He was tired, so damn tired. Fighting for so long, planning to die, and then this. A slap in the face, a kick in the stomach, a shock that left him dazed. Slowly Garrus raised his face back into Shepard's view.

"Shepard."

...

"_Garrus?" _Everything fell to pieces before her very face. When Shepard had walked into this room never expecting to find Garrus! This mission was to get in, recruit some random guy, get out. Garrus was not some vigilante, Shepard just couldn't see it. Sure, she had known that he hadn't really liked to play by the book, but this, was too hard to believe. Her breath came out in short bursts as she stared blindly into those pale blue eyes. Shepard knew those eyes inside and out, and she knew the soul behind them. She saw instantly all the suffering Garrus had gone through since she had been gone. _That of course was until his team was killed._

Fragile, alone, with no body at his side. Shepard wanted to take it all away, wanted to stop the hurting. She nearly reached out to touch Garrus' rough skin, and if it had been any other time or place she would have. This though wasn't right, enemies were on the horizon, but she wasn't just going to say nothing. With one simple thought, she knew what she was going to do. Shepard hastily looked at her two squad members, some conversations were better left in private.

"Miranda, Jacob, the mission objects have changed. I need to talk to Garrus in private, in the mean time both of you head downstairs to scout for enemy forces," Shepard felt herself saying robotically in her commanding voice. One look from Garrus and she knew that he could she right through her act like swiss cheese.

"But Shepard, we might have not all that long, and talking to this merc isn't apart of schedule," Miranda said in her under meaning voice of hers. Shepard felt her self-control slip, as the urge to break _someones_ face became nearly unbearable, but she kept it in check. Things were too important to waste on a fight.

"He isn't a mercenary, he's Garrus Vakarian. A former crew mate on the old Normandy and he helped on the hunt for Saren," Shepard snapped. "Show some respect and follow my order, look for signs of a on-coming assault."

"Yes, Commander."

...

As those two humans left the room, it was only Garrus, and Shepard. She still felt to unreal, like this all couldn't be happening. He watched as she rubbed her forehead gently in frustration for being questioned by her own command. One thing that Garrus knew instantly about Shepard was that she didn't like her orders questioned, and she had done her job for long enough that she shouldn't have to be asked twice about something.

Silence spread between the two of them. So much to say and so little time. Everything was wrong with this moment, but there might be no other, so Garrus found himself quickly finding the right thing to say. Two years were a long time, so much had happened after Shepard had passed.

"...Garrus? Is... Is that really you?"

"I could ask you the same question. I thought... I thought you were dead," the turian was at a lost for words as he tried to fight away remembering all the time without her. He didn't ever want to remember that time again. It was just a plain miracle that Shepard stood here now. Incredible, unbelievable. Garrus had thought that he was going to have to live the rest of his life without seeing her again, without ever getting to talk to her, without ever getting to say his feelings. Even after all this time, that strange feeling that came up when she was so close to him was still there. The turian was so glad that he could still feel. Being numb for so long, and now this.

"I was. Don't let me explain the tech, but Cerberus brought me back, and now I'm pretty much enslaved to them until I destroy some huge enemy that I don't have a clue about," Shepard let out a shaky sigh as she continued on. "The Illusive Man has me by ball and chain, forcing me to go all over the galaxy and recruit elite members for some super team. I don't have a say or choice about any of it!"

By saying those words Garrus understood why Shepard was now standing in front of him. She was looking for the best, and he guessed Archangel the Hero of Omega served that purpose. This all though was in the least of importance to him, Shepard was going to have a break down without some support, or a shoulder to cry on. Garrus would always be that shoulder, so as she stood there steaming like a kettle, he got up and wrapped his arms protectively around her. Shepard's body instantly reacted to his, and she placed the side of her face squarely on his chest and let out a long exhale. The turian felt her heartbeat, felt his own in the process, and couldn't believe until now how much he had missed her. If everything could have stayed that way forever Garrus would have let it. For now he was complete.

Imagining what Shepard had gone through, what with having to be forced to work with the bad guy. Being brought back to life, with squad members that question her motives to no end, and then finally this. Garrus knew that even though Shepard was one of the strongest people in the universe, but even she still needed support, or an outlet for her aggression and frustration. So he held her as she tried to regain her Commander effect. Words faded away on his part as he had her in his arms.

"I can't believe your here of all places. I thought you would be back somewhere respectable, not on Omega," Shepard said a little muffled by how tight she pressed herself into his armor.

"It's just something to keep my skills sharp," Garrus laughed trying to lighten the mood. As he stared down at Shepard, he realized that he would have died here if she hadn't showed up. It was like destiny itself had forced them to reconnect, not that he was complaining. Garrus also to realized what a mess he was. His armor rattled around from the loss of weight, his stomach clenched into a ball from hunger, every major gang wanted to shot his ass.

"I missed you Garrus," Shepard whispered so slightly only his sharp hearing could catch it. This wasn't a dream, no in his dream world Garrus' nightmare of Shepard was so watered down from the original that it wasn't even close to having her here now. Nothing would ever be so close, no other person in the world, it was only and forever Shepard.

"I've missed you too."


	12. Loss

_Please read; Thank you to all of your continued viewing of my story, but I need a little more feedback. What do you like about my chapters? What don't you like? Anything you think I should do differently? Do you have any requests or suggestions? Please review or PM me if you have something to say! Thanks xoxo_

...

The only sound, was that of her footsteps, and nothing more. The dead silence was not a comfort, instead it seemed to hover around her in a haunting fog. Silence brought forth the truth, brought forward thoughts from the depths of her mind, thoughts that were better left untouched. As she walked one step after another into her new quarters, it was the push that made everything real. She looked down at herself, and was met by the metallic shine of his blood. What a difference a day could make.

Suddenly a blur or rage and hate consumed every logical cell in her brain, as she began to tear away at the useless armor that had kept her body safe from so many fire-fights in the past. She hurled the different pieces violently at the nearest object in her sights, and continued on doing so even after the AI screamed at her to stop. Soon, the only thing left on was the simple clothing she wore underneath her armor. It to being soaked to the bone, since the blood had seeped through the protective netting in-between the armor, and was now just beginning to dry. Its stickiness clung to her skin like dried syrup, and made her purely sick. Nausea spun sadistically around and around, as she remembered the day that had gone by. It might of well had been a life time ago.

...

A little playful smile crept up on Shepard's lips, it was the first one that had crossed her face since she had "woken" up. It was just like Garrus to do this to her, get her heart in a tangle, as he held her in his strong arms. Reluctantly Shepard pulled back gently from the embrace, knowing that their time was too short to waste. Later, after she rescued his ass, they would have all the time in the world to reminisce. Still smiling, Shepard found herself giving the turian a friendly punch on his shoulder.

"Archangel?_ Really?_" Shepard couldn't help but say that a little to lively. Picturing Garrus as some savior in the night just wouldn't fit into her mind, it was the same as trying to imagine him in a jester costume. It did not work.

"Oh... you heard about that," Garrus replied trying to cover up his embarrassment. They both let out some uneasy laughs, even though they both knew that nickname had some serious meaning to it, and brushing it off was not the wisest of choices. He had gotten the name for a reason, obviously because he was the best of the best. She wondered how many he had killed to get recognized by all the major gangs on Omega and for them to join up to take him down. "Just a name someone decided to give me, and it stuck. All though..._ I_ do like it better when call me Garrus."

"Vakarian..." she sighed feeling to many emotions at once. There was a longing planted deep inside of her chest for that moment they had just shared to never end. Then there was all these bubbly questions trying to get out all at once. Shepard wanted to ask so much, but she tried to narrow it down to just a few harmless observations. "I thought you weren't a complete idiot. Why'd you let yourself get pinned down like this? If I hadn't come along, then you wouldn't have last another hour. What were you _thinking?_"

"It..._ I_ thought it was a good plan at the time," he responded quickly and carefully, and she knew that he was trying to find and say the right words. Shepard also knew that Garrus was trying to dodge the question. Her eyes scanned his nervous expression trying to search for the problem. When she looked at Garrus, it was like looking through a window, he was just that crystal clear to her. So she knew instantly that something was wrong. All the signs were there, just not in the right order. Shepard felt her brain start its calculated problem solving process without her own approval for the matter.

This whole set-up was plain suicide. No exit strategy, only one way in and out, not enough food or water to survive for any extended period. Of course that would be all good and fine, if he didn't_ want_ to live for long. She felt her eyes narrow, was this the reason Garrus was here now? To get himself killed? Shepard took a step back in surprise at how sick she became thinking of Garrus dying. To her he felt like an unmovable force in her life, something that would never fade or disappear, and she hoped that the feeling was mutual. Expect that wasn't entirely true on her part, she_ had_ disappeared out of his life. It wasn't her choice but it still had happened. Shepard had abandoned Garrus, and in the process shaken his confidence right down to its foundations. Two years had gone by, and was she really that surprised by the way things had ended up? No, she was not, because in her shoes Shepard would probably be doing the same damn thing. The only reason she had continued on for so long was because Garrus had been there, giving her the support and strength she needed to carry on. Even when it felt impossible.

On the other hand though, Shepard couldn't help but feel angry. _How could anyone be so stupid? _She deeply bit into her lip trying to get a handle on everything, and an understanding on how she felt. She wasn't outraged at Garrus, no, she was mad at herself. Shepard couldn't blame Garrus for the situation he was in, because it was _her_ fault. Ever since she had woken up and gotten some of her sense back to realize how different everything was, this strange anger had started to consume her. Shepard wanted everything to go back the way it was, to just be like old times. A time where she didn't take commands from some lunatic, a time where is didn't have to look at her old turian friend and blame herself for what he had become.

"That-"

"Commander!" Shepard felt herself jump backwards at the sound of Jacob's voice, and she watched as he hurriedly entered the room. Nearly stepping on his shoes, was Miranda who followed Jacob to enthusiastically for any of her words to be nothing more than obnoxious.

The sound of Shepard's own quickened heart beat was so strong that it nearly blocked out the sound of her squads less than energetic blabbering. She raised a hand and hurriedly wiped away some sweat that had formed on her brow, and took a single look at Garrus. It was like someone had cut their moment into pieces, efficiently ruining both of their lighthearted moods. No time lingered for any more jokes or hugs, it was time to fight.

"Another wave of enemies is coming down the bridge," Miranda retorted as smugness stood beside her like it was her own personal best friend. Shepard clenched her teeth together in irritation. Just once she wanted to go through a day without this childish bullshit following her, no more second guessing, just trying to stick to doing your job. That was one of the reasons Shepard undoubtedly like Garrus, he didn't ask why, he just went wherever she ordered. She was almost positive that he would follow her to hell and back, and then after they would live to joke about the stories. "Maybe we_ shouldn't_ have_ waited_ for so long that they had a chance for a counter attack,"

"To late_ now_," Shepard snarled and aggressively flicked away a piece of her hair that had fallen into down into her vision. The only thing she decided that she would focus on was trying to get the hell out of here. Shepard quickly ran through different options and tactics she had at her disposal, and hastily put together a plan. "Garrus, stay up here and put that rifle of your's to good use," she gave him a slight smile and watched as he in return gave a light nod. A little pang went through her heart when he didn't complain in the slightest. "Me, Miranda, and Jacob will head downstairs. We'll use that narrow bridge to our advantage, and we'll take care of the overflow you miss. As soon as there's a break in their defenses we take it and get the hell out of here."

"Stay in radio contact," Garrus replied uneasily as began to put another clip into his gun. She watched as he faintly hesitated and gave a little click of his mandibles. "...And Shepard?"

"Yeah?" An odd and unrestrained grin started to unfold across her face, as she felt all the fury from before vanish as she stared into those eyes of his.

"It's just like old times."

...

The scope sights trailed the shadow, and without any met satisfaction Garrus pulled the trigger as soon as he landed on the head of some freelancer. Once, so long ago, he would have felt bad for that kid. Most likely whoever that had been had only taken this job to get some Creds, or maybe to try to make a name for themselves. Now though, too much had happened for the turian to feel sorry for some street hungry looter. Whoever that had been might have been one of the hired goons who was behind one of the guns that had killed his team. With every enemy that fell, all Garrus felt about their deaths was hallow. They had made their choices, and he had made his, not his fault that they had decided to waste their lives on some unworthy cause.

The_ pop pop pop _of Shepard's gun kept Garrus' wondering mind focused on his task ahead. He made myself push his boundaries to try to exceed in not letting one stray bullet touch her. He was not going to let Shepard die on him this time around. Still though, Garrus found himself begin to daydream as the challenge of killing these mercenary's wore off. Shepard was here, alive, and strong. He could nearly feel her body heat once again, as he still wanted to have his arms around her, or just in general get the hell out of this base. To many old memories clung to this place, to many hardships, too much nostalgia. Though it still felt sort of nice working with other people, not just all by yourself, with no one to watch your back. It was hard work, working on your own.

"Doing great Shepard, there-"

Before he could finish his sentence Garrus let out a little forced exhale as he watched a gigantic heavy mech stride down the bridge. Its shielding glowed a bright white, every step it took made the ground shake, possibly from all of its metal plating. Its two hands began to transform and rearrange into powerful machine guns. To say the least, this was one tough son of a bitch to take down.

"Damn it! Heavy mech! Watch your ass Shepard," Garrus shouted, hoping when she heard this that she would actually listen. Sometimes Shepard just got a little_ to_ caught up in the passion of fighting, either that or she was hard for hearing. Of course though, humans usually did have weak ears to begin with. Double went for Shepard.

"What do you think I am Garrus? Just a pretty face? I know a thing or two about hacking, that mech isn't going to be a problem," she laughed delightfully. The turian couldn't help but chuckle at himself too. He was used to dealing with an inexperienced teenager, not a fully loaded Commander. There really was no reason for him to be overprotective of Shepard in the first place, she could easily take care of herself. The turian even thought that she could easily drop him to the floor if they ever got into a fist fight. Garrus watched as the mech turned around and began shooting at its own masters. It was strangely satisfying to see something go right for once. In no time they would be out of here like nothing had happened in the first place. Off to save the galaxy once again and be hero's for the universe. Free lancers and gang members dropped one by one as the mech picked them off like it was its own personally firing range. The fun of watching something explode was actually starting to spring up in his chest.

Then the ground beneath his armored feet began to shake, as Garrus' Omni-Tool lit up like a Christmas Tree, as serveral emergency alarms went off. A disappointed sigh fell out of his mouth as he realized that those witless idiots had actually used their pea sized brains inside of just their muscles and had begun to use the underground tunnel system.

"What was that?" Shepard questioned in between little pants as she tried to find her breath from moving so quickly from different pieces of cover to try to get the upper hand on the enemy.

"They've breached the lower level. I'll stay up here, it will be easy target practice. You better get down to the tunnels, behind the stairs and take care of it. There should be some consoles you can hack to close a couple of shutters that will stop enemies from getting through."

There was a slight pause in the conversation, and Garrus knew instantly that Shepard was thinking to hard about the details in his plan. He could nearly picture her biting her lip as she concentrated like a mad woman trying to decide what was best to do.

"Garrus your one hell of a sniper, but I don't think even you could stop every merc from crossing that bridge. I'll make someone stay behind to offer you some support," Shepard replied immediately as soon as she came up with the right solution. Garrus' sharp hearing picked up muffled arguing from the lower levels as it seemed like one of Shepard's squad-mates debated over who should stay, it was so loud that it nearly muted the opposing forces gun hire. Garrus couldn't help but smile at whoever fought with Shepard, because whoever went against her always lost, and no one was more stubborn than the great Commander. "Miranda will stay behind, me and Jacob will go down to those tunnels."

"_Well._.. if you doubt my skills that much then I guess you better keep someone behind. Hurry up and close those tunnels, and stay safe Shepard," Garrus' also knew that Shepard had chosen Miranda to stay because she couldn't take the second guessing for a second longer. Perhaps though, she was just being dramatic and there really wasn't anything that wrong with that Cerberus officer.

"You too."

"What are your orders? And they better be_ good_," Miranda snapped into the radio feed the moment Shepard took one step into the tunnel system. Garrus felt his mandibles click as he became positive about how wrong he was for thinking Shepard didn't have many reasons for not liking Miranda. Life had just showed him why never to not trust Shepard's judgement, because often it was more than right.

"Just keep doing what your doing and stay down on the lower level,"_ and stay out of my way. _

The shooting, the holding up the resistance, was nearly becoming routine. As Garrus fired around round he felt his exhaustion from holding his position for so long hit him. Sleep dug its claws into the back of his brain, as his vision began to fade in and out. Never had the turian thought he would be trying to find some rest into the middle of a bullet storm. The thought of it was a little depressing, had he really gotten so used to this life that he could fall asleep now? Garrus closed his eyes just for a few precious to try to regain some energy, even though he was fully depleted, like a dead battery. Breathing in a little amount of Omega's dirty oxygen, Garrus found himself being only able to hear one thing. _Whoosh...Whoosh...Whoosh. _His slow connecting mind drew a blank at what that could be, because that sound wasn't possible. Then a simple word entered his empty thoughts, causing Garrus' eyes to pop open just in time for him to duck his head underneath the railing of the overlook. A spray of bullets barely missed his now protective cranium._ Gunship. _That sound had been the whirl of gunships helicopter blades._ They fixed the damn gunship! _

The bullets were chewing away the already falling apart railing, the turian might as well be hiding behind a big block of jello for all that it was worth. In a minute this cover would be useless, he need to move! Pressing his rifle tightly to his chest, Garrus made a one-sided argument that he would fall back as soon as the chance exposed itself. Trying to calmly wait out the second the gunship had to reload, his cool demeanor smashed into bits as a rocket exploded into a nearby pillar. Garrus could feel the heat of the blast, sense that his armor had melted together in some part. There wasn't time to wait, he stood up without thinking it through, as the searching spotlight attached to the gunship blinded his sights. Everything faded away, as the only thing Garrus could hear was the firing of the gunships automatic weapons.

The first bullet that caressed his rough skin was the only one the turian felt. It was a million whiplashes, a jagged stab to the face, as it carved through his cheekbone. Then his highly evolved predator brain took control and made everything freeze to the point of numbness. Garrus could feel as the bullets went through and damaged one side of his face and neck, but he couldn't feel the pain that came with injury. It was strange, his face was like Swiss cheese, and his mandible was barely hanging by a string, and yet nothing. Blood poured out of his wounds, but no warmth was felt, no slippery watery feel.

Then that wonderful sound of a rocket whirling through the air was heard, followed by it smacking Garrus straight into damaged side of his face. The world went black as he fell to the floor, the charred scent of his burnt flesh became all-consuming. His body went hard and paralyzed from the shock, he was not even able to breathe. The turian could feel Death's cold grip being to touch his very soul as life started to disappear.

"_GARRUS!"_

Shepard. If he had been able to laugh he would have. Just when Garrus had finally found her, just when there was a chance for real happiness, the world had decided differently. Betrayed, ten deaths on his hands, and now this. He didn't even have the strength to tell her good-bye. Perhaps he wasn't meant to be happy._  
_


	13. Hurt

Breathe..._ You have to breathe... Damn it, breathe! _Garrus might as well have screamed at a brick wall for all that it was worth, his body was just too stunned to respond to his own commands, the signals sent out from his brain wouldn't connect. The only thing he could feel was pain, mind numbing pain. The turian would never forget this paralyzing, _unbelievable_, suffering that continuously ripped through the one side of his face for as long as he lived. The heat from the explosion felt like it had forcefully traveled down Garrus' throat as a wildfire, burning and melting everything in its path, until its uncontrollable blaze of heat reached the bottom of his lungs. The lack of oxygen made his head spin in a sickening way, as his scorched insides screamed for any kind of relief, death included. He would give _anything_ to stop the crying agony that went through his body, simply anything.

Every so often Garrus' hearing seemed to fade in and out like someone was playing with the volume level, he was not sure if what he heard was real, or if he was in some made up fantasy fueled only by his blood loss. Gunfire, screams and curses, and then silence. The silence only lasted a moment, but that moment dug its nails into the dirt to try to hold on to forever, as the turian barely stayed conscious.

It was over though, the fighting, for no more bullets rained down on them. Footsteps from a quickened run was all Garrus became able to hear, and he knew that Shepard was moving towards him to estimate the damage. What he did not expect was her reaction.

"_Garrus," _sobs choked up her sweet voice, cutting swiftly through the fog of not being able to focus. Her abundance of tears fell down and sprinkled him lightly across his face, mixing in with his out and coming blood. Garrus felt Shepard's hand gently touch his beaten and melted shoulder pad, giving it a little shake in the process, as she tried to make him wake up. Tears, for him? The turian had thought she would be trying to joke this off by saying something impersonal to show how this was no big deal, or just calmly talking him through the pain, but it seemed like she was a bigger mess than he was. Maybe he had underestimated how truly bad his injuries were, perhaps it was worse than he could imagine, and with that thought fear started to take over. He tried to think of something else, because Garrus would not let himself be defeated by panic.

For so long it seemed impossible to continue on, with no real reason to go on forward, so much had just gone wrong. Every corner he turned, Garrus had to hold his breath in hopes that nothing horrible would happen, and it was like a silent unknown curse constantly rode around on his shoulders. All though that was then, and this was now. The turian _did_ have a reason to live, hell he _wanted_ to live, and there was just no excuse for him just to go and give up by letting Death win. Sure, at the time, he thought dying here like the rest of his crew would be a good idea. A fitting way to end it all, because it was only right that Garrus fall here, and join the rest of them in the spirit world. Now though Shepard was here, living, breathing, and right by his side. Her trembling hands continued try to force him to open his tightly closed eyes by lightly pushing his body back and forth, as her haunting sobs consumed her shallow breathing. Garrus' burning lungs started to numb as the cells began to die, then everything blended together. He couldn't tell if he was awake or asleep, alive or dead, but he was not going to lose this battle. _Fight, you have to fight!_

Using the very last drop from the well of his strength, the turian reached out for anything, anything at all that would help to support this burden. His fingers found the barrel of his rifle, which was still hot to the touch from the recent battle, but Garrus clung on to it for dear life nevertheless. This gun had been his only friend for _so_ long, and he was not going to let it go now.

Then finally, after breaking down and pushing aside the last brick that held up the invisible boundary against his survival, Garrus forced himself to breathe.

It was fire, it was acid, and it was pain and torture mixed together as one. The wall nearly became instantly re-built by his strong the urge to become once again frozen and let his life go out, but that wasn't an option. For this one small breath was life in the simplest forms. The oxygen that entered his lungs caused him to addictively want more, and more, as everything became so much clearer. Every intake of air was an unappealing gurgle that made even Garrus feel slightly sick as he imagined what Shepard was seeing now. He had never had an injury like this before, what a sight to see.

...

"Call the damn shuttle, _NOW!"_ Shepard screamed at whomever as around to listen. She didn't care about anything, anyone, all that mattered to her was getting Garrus the medical attention he desperately needed. Tears rained down her face at an uncontrollable pace, as the Medi-Gel from her Omni-Tool began to pour out and on to her old friends face. Shepard didn't even begin to worry about her messy appearance might look to her crew, as she flicked away a piece of hair that had fallen into her eyes. The only thing that mattered was trying to keep Garrus alive. So much blood, so many burns and bullets wounds, it was just repulsive to look at. The scariest thing about all of this though was that it _was_ Garrus, her friend, her rock. Shepard had always pictured him as invincible, incapable of injury, like dangerous things would just rebound or bounce off him. What a stupid thing to think, how did she ever begin to think like that? _Son of a bitch, don't you dare die on me!_

The solider part of her brain began to take over, trying to bring focus instead hysteria, it was a welcomed improvement. The motions of where her hands placed Medi-Gel became planned, timed, and not frantic. Shepard composed her facial features into that of a plain mask, trying to cover over her feverish panic. Shepard being scared then would in return also make Garrus afraid. Inhaling a sharp breath to try to hush her nervous stomach, Shepard couldn't help but nearly taste his too metallic blood.

"Stay with me Vakarian," she said trying to use the full on Commanding voice she was so used to speaking in. Her eyes couldn't help but scan over his mangled face, the wounds ran all down his face and neck, it was wrong. So wrong, in every way, this wasn't how Shepard wanted to remember Garrus. To her he was always so strong, often too playful with his cocky smile, not a badly bleeding wreck. Biting deeply into her lip, Shepard made herself not think about the negative, they were going to make it. They always did.

Then his eyes, met hers. Shepard instantly realized something that she had dismissed before. She would give _anything_, to save Garrus' life. He _was_ _not_ dying here. He was not going to lose the life in those blue eyes of his, and if Garrus was going to go _anywhere_, it would be with her at his side. A strange fire spread through Shepard, one that she did not understand, less be able to control. This turian wasn't leaving her, not yet, so she was going be _damn_ sure to give him some reasons to continue to live.

"Come on Garrus, I bet you've had worse than this, we'll just get a doctor to slap a bandage on that mug of yours," she pulled out a laugh that sounded fake to even her. "Of course though that will be on the Normandy, Cerberus re-built her, Garrus-"

"Commander, the shuttle is here," Shepard gaze lifted off the turian at the sound of someone's voice. The intimate moment her and Garrus' had just shared popped like a bubble, and oddly enough Shepard couldn't help but blush in embarrassment. She hadn't even remembered that her crew was here, not that it mattered in the slightest. Being unable to process who at spoken Shepard jumped back up to her feet and gave both Miranda and Jacob a little nod of recognition.

...

Watching each rise and fall of his chest, Shepard prayed for the next to come, even though his breathing was starting to become more and more laboured. Pure fear continued to swim around in Shepard's veins, the shuttle was going as fast as it could, but it still wasn't enough. A shudder went through his body, causing Shepard to hold on to Garrus tighter, which was easy enough to do since she gently cradled his head in her arms.

There hadn't been enough time for anyone with even very basic medical training to board the shuttle; it was just the four of them, plus a shuttle pilot. With no area to put the injured turian, the only place with enough room had been the floor. When Shepard and her crew entered the vehicle for transportation, she realized that Garrus still held on tightly to his rifle. Even after all of this time he had still had that damn gun in his hands, and if he could do that, then she could stay by his side. As she held him conversation began to flow out of her mouth, because that was the only thing Shepard could do to keep her mind busy, and to keep Garrus alive.

"...you hear me? Don't you _dare_ die on me Vakarian. Come on, you know I can't be as incredible as I am without you by my side," no response. "Who is going to harass me about my shooting skills if you're not there? How am I going to laugh if there is no one to tell me jokes?"

No response. Shepard felt her heart pick up speed, she wasn't looking for a whole song and dance, but anything would be nice. The tears from before started to creep back into her eyes, but still she carried on her rushed words. She didn't have to think about what to say, it was like she was speaking only the truth, the truth that came straight from the heart. Shepard would be able to go on for hours about how much Garrus meant to her and still have only one tenth of the full picture complete.

"You know I need someone to watch my back, and there's no one better than you. I can't do this without you Garrus, _dammit_, stay with me!"

No response. Nothing, nothing at all came back to her ears, just silence. Shepard felt as though she couldn't breathe, that the silence was too strong to truly acknowledge. If she stopped talking, she would break, and fall into pieces. Looking down at herself Shepard nearly convulsed at how much blood stained her armor. The dark blue blood from his wounds had fallen and seeped down through her armor so long ago, but just now was its coldness was beginning to make her shiver. Never had Shepard felt so useless, not being able to do anything but cry, like she was some little girl. She was supposed to be a Commander, the person that could do anything, but here Shepard was. Holding a dying friend in her arms.

"Please Garrus, _please._ You can't go yet, it's too soon, we still need to save the universe ten times over. If you go I-I won't be able to tell you how much you mean to me, how I-"

"Shepard, Doctor Chakwas is waiting for you in her Med Lab, we need to move," confusion rolled around in Shepard's head as she heard Miranda's voice, it took her moments before she realized that the shuttle had boarded with the Normandy's airlock, and that everyone was waiting on her. Perhaps they had been for several minutes, or maybe it was all just like a bad dream. Yet this dream hadn't even started to become a true nightmare, because now it was just going to get worse, for the real show was about to begin.


	14. Stunned

_Please read; sorry for the late and short chapter. More school, work, and less time to write. Next week for sure I'll be able to get at least triple the length of this chapter for my next. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! Thanks xoxo._

_..._

The artificial light poured out and lightly touched his rough skin, as it tried to enter the crevasses of his deeply closed eyes. Every heart beat sent waves of misery through the one side of his face; every breath sliced through and tested the barriers of self-control, as life continued on in an indescribable blur. It felt like so long ago since the numbing effects of the painkillers had been there to stop the pain, now there was only torment. A long insufferable ache was all that could be felt, as he began to travel down the long road of being once again awake. Confusing images from before started to invade his baffled mind, memories of the past day were nothing more than a haze, and so many questions could not be answered. What had happened?

As he slowly breathed in a lengthy draw of air he recoiled in horror at the sharp pain that smashed squarely into his old mug. _Oh... damn._ Just doing the simple motions of opening his mouth was like swallowing broken glass. The hurt was so intense that he nearly slipped back into the endless and bare world of dreaming. Trying to focus on anything else the only thing he found that could be used for a much-needed distraction was the sound of some unknown machinery going on with its daily routine, and probably of keeping him alive in the process. Every few passing moments a tiny beep of what sounded like a heartbeat monitor went off, bizarrely enough that little chirp of noise was able to bring some stability and sanity back to his brain. Using this interruption as an advantage he found himself trying to pick up the pieces and sort through all the lost time to try to make sense of everything.

...

_...Before..._

...

One look was all it took. As Doctor Chakwas' eyes found Shepard's, Shepard knew that it was _so_ much worse than she had anticipated. The Doctor tired quickly to mask her fear and compose her facial features back into professional standards, but it was already too late. Without really knowing what was happening Shepard found herself being pushed aside as different crew members began to put her old turian friend on a stretcher and carry him gingerly from the shuttle to the Med-Bay. How could just one day go so wrong in all the worst ways? One moment everything had been nothing but jokes and flirts that caused butterflies in the stomach, but not anything more. Now Shepard didn't know what to do, how to act or feel, she was like a puppet with cut strings. It hurt to think, hurt to imagine what_if_, so she just stood there like a complete idiot. Every detail of the what had happened spun around in Shepard's head like a tornado, as fresh new tears blinded her vision.

"..._pard._.. Shepard..."

An undistinguished voice broke through mist of Shepard's racing thoughts; it was the spark that ignited the motivation to finally move. Not caring enough to recognize who had spoken Shepard found that she could barely comprehend what was happening. Her body was running away, running into the elevator and up to her own personal living space, her mind all though was nowhere to be seen.

Everything that wasn't held down Shepard grabbed and flung aside, treating it like it was nothing more than garbage, because it was the only thing she could do from having a complete breakdown. Rage, pure unfiltered rage consumed every last one of her cells._This is_ my_fault, all of this! Why did it have to be Garrus? Why didn't_ I_do more? Why wasn't it_me?

A scream that closely resembled nails on a chalk board escaped Shepard's throat as she ripped away at her blood covered armor. It was _his_ blood. Throwing away the different sections of protective armor Shepard heard only a mind numbing ringing in her ears, created from the boiling over of erupting fury. A sarcastic laugh fell out of her mouth because Shepard somewhat knew that the AI was shouting at her to stop her actions. Not that it mattered though, nothing could stop her, and at the end of her explosion of boundless destruction Shepard couldn't help up stare blankly at her annihilated room with no emotion. Seeing everything in tatters didn't even cause her heart squeeze with unease or her face cringe with shame and regret. It was only insignificant. Then a fluttering of her anxious heart started and it couldn't help but scare Shepard in a mysterious way. She hated that someone could mean so much to her. She also hated that she could be _so_ vulnerable to emotional distress in less than a second. It wasn't right, _no one_ should have such power over her body and soul, but here she was. Hysterical and close to the edge of being considered insane. Why did it hurt so much? Why did it feel like her heart was ripping out of her chest? Why couldn't see get his face out her mind?

Blue burning eyes that could read her face so well, those eyes were always searching endlessly, just trying to analyze and find what was wrong. Even if there wasn't anything out-of-place just looking into them was a comfort. Then there was that sideways and cocky grin, one that brushed away all the worry and fear without even knowing it. The husky little laugh that only came out every once in a while, one that in return caused her to also grin and laugh like a fool. It was like taking a million miserable bee stings think about never hearing his voice again.

Wordlessly Shepard walked drunkenly over and into her tiny bathroom. The droning of the light bulbs seemed to fog up her mind and at the same time give her just the edge she needed to think clearly. After enough dead silence filled up the room and her brain Shepard tried to grab on to some self-control and form any kind of plan. Looking blankly at the small shower Shepard found her hands forming fists, and her teeth biting deeply into her bottom lip. The only conclusion she could come up with to bring back some piece of mind was the calming effects of a shower. At the very least it would wash away the..._blood._The weight of fear tugged sharply at her heartstrings. All though standing here wasn't doing anyone any good, so as she purposely held her breath Shepard finally let herself look down at the mess that was her outfit. Bile rose smoothly and effectively up her throat without any control or voice of opinion. The blood was dried glue that clung unrelentingly to her skin. A wave of panic fell on Shepard without even a moment's notice, causing her to rip off her clothes and jump into the shower without a second thought. Her frantic hands hit different buttons only wanting the soothing relief of water to wash away all the built up emotions in her chest. If Shepard didn't stop moving she knew for a fact that her legs would give out.

The water gracefully flowed down her head, as sweet and soft as a spring rain. Except the second the heat of the water hit Shepard's skin it caused everything to become to clear, and it brought everything down to her level. This hadn't happened to just anyone, this had happened to Garrus. Right now as she stood her watching the blood go down the drain he was probably in the Med-Bay fighting for his life, and it was all of her fault. Not knowing what she was doing Shepard ran her hands over and over through her knotty hair and let out mouthfuls of sobs._It's your entire fault... and what happens if he dies?_

The tiled floor of the shower was where Shepard's body collapsed, for it could no longer hold her up. She felt every drop of water, every achy sob that rattled through her chest, and she just couldn't do anything to stop it as time continued on.


	15. Rejoice

Sleep didn't come. More so, it_ wouldn't_ come. Every time Shepard's eyelids started to droop from exhaustion and sleep started to creep into the back of her mind, it was all but brushed away because_ his_ face wouldn't leave her mind. It silently haunted her, as she begged and wished for everything to be different. Why had this happened? Why did tears burn quietly at the back of her eyes even though she was too tired to cry? Why did her heart feel like it was being ripped out of her chest? None of this made any sense to her, and the lack of sleep just wasn't helping.

Turning over to lay on her back, Shepard found herself letting out a deep sigh for some unknown reason. Her nearly lifeless dark eyes began to memorize the ceiling in either complete boredom or as a way to bring sleep to her racing mind and fatigued body. The coolness of her semi-wet bed sheets made a long shiver run down her spine, as she gently raised a hand to push aside a clump of hair that had fallen into her face. The same hand continued on its journey making Shepard run her long fingers through the mess that was her hair. The water from the shower had knotted and curled every strand of hair into something that resembled a bird's nest. Not that it mattered though, for she couldn't even remember how she had gotten out of the shower in the first place, or how she had even had enough strength to get up, get dressed, and find her way into bed.

Breathing in, Shepard felt a hitch in her once steady breathing. The following exhale was nothing more than a hiccupped sob, as fresh new tears rushed into the corners of her eyes. Trying to fight to once again be in control Shepard smashed her eyelids tightly together. This wasn't possible, no one could cry this much, especially after all the hours of laying here in complete misery. Then again-

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

Blinking in surprise Shepard couldn't help but feel stunned at the sound of someone tapping at her door. The shock made her instantly bolt upwards into a sitting position. It even took a few good tries before her fingers would respond to let go of the handfuls of bedding that they clung fearfully to. It was such a surprise because after all of this time no had tried to see how she was doing, instead everyone had just seemed to let her do her own thing. Perhaps they all knew better than to get in her way, not that anyone needed that much evidence to support that theory, one look at her room was proof enough. A second passed and Shepard couldn't help but try to comb her hair with her hands like a mad woman, whoever was at the door shouldn't see their Commander as total mess. It would most likely lower morale, or cause the loss of respect. A flicker of hope slowly passed through Shepard, maybe Garrus was all right after all... Or maybe his injuries were just too bad.

"Come in," Shepard heard herself say in a raspy voice, as she swung her legs over the bed and stood up to quickly walk over and greet whoever was at the door, and at the same time she also tried to mentally prepare for whatever the news was. The door opened in a blur, relieving one lone figure.

"Shepard," Miranda said with a slight nod and even voice, as her blue eyes ran over the battle field that was the Commanders room and down Shepard's body to observe her chaotic appearance. The whole process made Shepard's face hot with embarrassment. All of her life Shepard hadn't been the girl who everyone's eyes would automatically follow with interest and desire, more so because she had always been one of the boys. Not pretty miss perfect, just herself. Miranda on the other hand was the kind of girl Shepard had and probably will never get along with. Miranda was just the girl who never had a hair out-of-place and always looked a hundred percent. In some ways Shepard figured that Miranda intimidated her, or at least brought up unresolved issues from her childhood, any other time Shepard would have_ loved_ to speculate. This though, just wasn't the time.

"What is it?"

"Me and the Illusive Man have just spoken, and we both think it would be best for everyone if Doctor Solus was aboard this ship, so that we can really start on the task at hand."

An unwanted scoff fell out of Shepard's mouth as she crossed her arms in defense. It was already hard enough knowing that eventually she was going to have to go head to head against some almost unknown foe, but to get ordered around before every step you took was enough to make anyone snap. Not only that, but after the night Shepard had gone through being told that you had to go back out to Omega was like being told you had no choice in the matter of someone punching you in the face. Images of the dirty streets and hungry vagrants ran across Shepard's vision, as did Garrus. She couldn't leave him behind all alone in the Med-Bay. If the situation was the other way around, she knew for a fact that he wouldn't leave the Normandy until she was all right.

"Miranda... I'm sure that this can wait."

"But Commander..." Miranda retorted and gave a blink of her perfectly curled eyelashes, but just before Shepard could cringe at the questioning from Miss Lawson something unexpected happened. "I'm... I'm_ so_ sorry."

_"What?_" Shock was all that Shepard could feel. Never had she thought that Miranda would let those words come out of her mouth. Almost instantly Shepard felt her eyes narrow in disbelief, because what Miranda said couldn't be true. Or at least it was just to stunning to be correct. Wasn't Officer Lawson_ never_ wrong? _"Sorry?_ For _what?_"

"You left me to help handle the situation, and I failed. I blame myself for what happened to Mister Vakarian," Miranda lightly whispered as she almost unknowingly fidgeted with her impeccable hair. In an instant Shepard felt her eagle-eyes pick up all the clues that had been laid out right in front of her. She had been so quick to judge that she hadn't even noticed Miranda's nervous eyes and deep-set frown. An inner battle was waging inside of Officer Lawson, and just that simple task of apologizing must have taken more courage than Shepard would ever be able to comprehend, but the stigma between the two of them had blinded Shepard. That was something that should have never of happened. Putting feelings and emotions first instead of being a leader could cause someone to get killed, or at least halt progress on getting anywhere with this Suicide Mission. No one should suffer because of Shepard, it wasn't fair for everyone.

"Miranda..." Speechless, that was how Shepard felt. An uncomfortable moment full of tension crossed the threshold between the two of them. Gathering up the right words sometimes was the most difficult thing to do, and being tongued-tied was something that Shepard wasn't used too. Often enough she could always be counted on to say the right thing. Words just went hand in hand with being in charge. Not wanting a disappointment Shepard let her instincts do the talking. "You don't need to blame yourself for what happened, no one could predict that the gunship would be fixed in time to launch another assault, and one person couldn't have stopped it either. All though if you truly do feel like this is your entire fault then make it up to me in the future. Show me why you are the best of the best,_ prove it_. We both know you are capable of it."

"Yes, Commander."

For the first time since Shepard had met Miranda she found herself smiling around this Cerberus Officer. Maybe they would always butt heads down the road, but at least for now Shepard could be there for her and the other crew mates. It did somewhat feel good to back on top. Even if it didn't really feel like two years had passed.

"...And Mister Vakarian? How is he doing?" Shepard couldn't stop herself from asking. Not having any clue about what was going on was driving her insane, and yet as soon as she asked she regretted it. Sometimes ignorance was bliss.

"Stable, but still unconscious."

The smile on Shepard's face slowly dropped, because it just felt wrong to smile given the circumstances, but dwelling on the issue wasn't doing anyone any good. If she kept on reliving the memories over and over no progress would be made. Being busy was better than nothing, just keep moving, and the time would fly. Eventually everything would be back to normal.

"I'll be ready to go to Omega in exactly one hour, be ready."

...

The blindly bright light was just now starting to be tolerable. The pain had receded just enough to be considered bearable, even though it still hurt like hell. Gently, ever so gently Garrus forced himself to open his mouth. His jaw was like a rusty hinge that gave up a mild protest from not being used for so long. A flare of heat surged through his rebuilding and freshly healed nerves, but the turian could take it. He was strong enough to stand the hurt, which must have been a good sign. Hours, maybe even days ago he had begged for death to take his life. Now everything sufficient enough to live through. But not knowing how much time had passed was the real thing that was tearing him up inside, because not knowing was the hardest part about anything. Had it been days, or weeks?

Darting his eyes over the new and shiny Med-Bay Garrus couldn't help but ponder at how long he had been out. He wondered if Shepard had visited him, how she was doing, where she was. He thought about what his face must look like; it probably resembled something straight out of a horror story. A pang of fear went through his heart as when he thought about what he would like to Shepard. It was hard enough that he was turian, right out of the gate that was a setback, and now this. Compared to what Shepard could get, why would she ever want someone like him?

Trying to find something else to focus on Garrus gingerly let his mandibles expand, as if to test the waters. Needles began almost instantly to dig and spread over the bad side of his face, as the bandage that tightly held together the fabric that was his face shuddered from the pressure of being pulled and expanded. Spirits, what a mess he was.

The sound of footsteps was picked up by his still sharp hearing, and the turian couldn't help but turn his face to see who had caused the noise. Thinking that it must be the doctor surprise flat out over took Garrus when she saw her standing in the doorway. It wasn't just anyone, it was her.

"Shepard."

...

Without being able to stop herself Shepard ran her eyes wildly over his face. She hadn't expected to find him conscious, because no one had told her that he was awake, but here he was. Defying all of the odds. Yet seeing him like this was still a jolt of bewilderment. Then finally after long enough the new image of his damaged face sunk in. A gasp of escaped Shepard's mouth without her control. It hurt to see him like this, lying in a hospital bed, broken. She had easily picked up on the flash of pain that just talking made him feel. A heavy weight came down on her heart.

"_Garrus," _she didn't think. She didn't consider the consequences of her actions, she just simple ran to him. It wasn't logic, it was pure emotion. The day that had passed faded away, she couldn't even remember what had happened, it just didn't matter. The moment she stood by his bed side she quickly snatched his hand without knowing what was happening and pressed it gently to the one side of her face. It was a sweet and simple caress that meant so much more than words could simply sum up. So many things ran through her mind and heart, it was a confusing mess of not understanding what to do next, but she didn't have to know what to do. Garrus was here for her when she failed to recognized as to what could be done or said.

"What are you crying for?" He said giving her his old cocky smile as his thumb easily circled around her high cheekbone, it was just incredible to see him smile even after all of this, though that smile was now somewhat off because of the injuries. A cough mixed with a laugh was all Shepard could get out as a response. The sound was so out of place that within seconds both of them started to laugh like nothing had happened. In the process Shepard watched through wet eyes as Garrus timidly wiped away the tears that had managed to escape from her eyes.

The rawness of Garrus' newly healed face made Shepard feel sick, not because it was unattractive, but because it should of never have happened to someone that was so important to her. Personally she could have cared less about how Garrus looked, because he was more to her then a pretty face, he was real. He was her friend, a great and dependable genuine person. Every time Shepard thought about him she couldn't help but smile, and she couldn't help and try not to laugh about all of their inside jokes. She needed him more then he would probably ever know. Some facial scars wouldn't change that, nothing would ever change that.


End file.
